He is definitely not right. For one thing, it sounds like you KNOW why you are doing it. You know and he doesn't; he can't know because he can't read your mind, so don't let his guess make you doubt what you know. Plus, there is nothing at all self-destructive about dressing as you wish. That doesn't even make sense. Self-destructive behaviour is things like drinking to excess, driving dangerously, etc, not wearing clothes your dad dislikes.

Your behaviour sounds absolutely normal. Your dad's, on the other hand, sounds concerning.

If your dad is usually a decent person and not sexist and controlling, then I would guess he is struggling to deal with the fact that you have cancer and your changing your style of dress is a reminder that things have changed and he wants you to go back to the way things were so he can try and pretend nothing has changed. If so, that is his struggle, not yours.

On the other hand, if it is normal for him to insult you, try to make you doubt your own mind (telling you why you are doing something when he cannot know and you obviously do), try to tell you how to dress, etc, then that sounds like red flags for emotional abuse. 

He's not normally mean but he has some old fashioned, pretty awful sexist and homophobic ideas. He seems to think women with tattoos are lesbian, men with earrings are gay, women who show any part of their body between the neck and knee are easy....

My Dad was just the same. Growing up all my dresses had to be knee length or longer, no bare midriff and definitely no make up or nail varnish. When I reached 16 he grudgingly allowed me clear polish and a tiny bit of eye shadow. All in all he was very Victorian and controlling. Interestingly he was the same with my Mum, she always dressed very demurely and I never once saw her wear any make up or any jewellery apart from her wedding ring.

I drifted away from my family after I left home, but was always careful to dress "correctly" when I did visit. Crazy, I know, for a grown woman to behave that way. Eventually, at the age of 44, I had a small tattoo. The words "Fear Nothing" on my upper arm. When I made the mistake of wearing a sleeveless dress for a summer visit my Dad ignored me the whole time I was there.

That was my only body art for 17 years until I got breast cancer. While I was going through my surgery, chemo and radiotherapy I decided that when it was all done I would get another tattoo. As soon as I was 6 months post chemo I had the words "No surrender" on my foot. Then the floodgates were opened and I now have a total of 9 tattoos. I found a fabulous artist who has done some amazing work for me. My father, who died before my diagnosis, would have completely disowned me, I'm sure of that.

I guess I'm telling you all this to say I absolutely understand how it is to have a father like the ones we had. At the end of the day it is your body and you must do what you want with it. At the age of 64, most of my friends think I'm absolutely mad to be doing this to myself, but I love my tattoos - I may even get more!! 

You go for it, girl! Be brave, be bold, above all be yourself!

I'm here if you want to chat, all the best, Mog, xx

What's "normal" anyway. It seems as if you're finding yourself rather than destroying yourself.

Being yourself is freeing. 

Good luck to you x