Hello Jayjay, dont apologise for being honest. I think thats exactly why this forum exists as there are few places you can be really honest if you have cancer. I completely understand why you feel the way you do and i think its completely normal. I fell apart a little when i finished my radiotherapy. I was focussed on the practical day to day things until that point. I did a coping with change workshop and that hrlped a lot as everyone felt the same as me. Cancer changes you. They said its like a jenga game where the tower has fallen. We are rebuilding our towers. We will always be people with cancer, not the people we were, but time helps im told. We are lucky that we have grest breast cancer treastments and these are improving all of the time. Im left eith not very nice side effects of treatment too which is hard. All i can suggest is keep talking it out and hold onto the hope that things will get better. Most people who get breast cancer eventually die of something else. That fact helps me a lot and i hope it helps you. Dark days get less and things will get better

Hi thanks for replying. I think it makes you face the idea of your mortality and that's scary.

Yes its very sobering itsnt it. Nobody can tell you how you should feel as only you can know that. I find comfort in knowing other in similar situations feel the same. We can support each other and be honest about what we are going through. Im facing my year 1 mammogram and im terrified. The waiting is horrible.

I totally agree. I am also awaiting my 1 year mammogram on my good breast and am dreading it. I have been very positive throughout even though my body has rejected 2 tissue expanders. I have now given up and decided to go flat. I had my last op 2 weeks ago but at the moment I am feeling more emotional than ever. Hopefully it is just the recovery period

Sometimes it help to just decide for yourself what you want to do and take charge. Fingers crossed for both of us

Sometimes it help to just decide for yourself what you want to do and take charge. Fingers crossed for both of us