Hi Shalaway

i can relate a little to pushing family and friends away . It's an emotional and psychological whirlwind . It sounds like you just need some space. I went to Maggies and find it a lovely home from home. Could you go there alone ?  do find it draining though as it takes energy supporting those that are affected by your cancer. Sometimes I want to scream and say stop. I know everyone means well .

I still haven't told everyone - I can't bear talking about it and people feeling sorry for me . I also think that it's my business and I don't want to be talked about . So I have told people in layers - those closest to me first and then a few others. One  friend I told had a first reaction ...oh my god !  

II really hope you can get some space. 

Shallaway 

i can completely understand this 

I'm 48 I felt like people were treating me with white gloves on I'm the strongest person I shock myself on times I never once give in to it and when people were pussyfoot around nd it drove me insane they were treating me like a baby this made me feel vulnerable, so o had to tell a few they didn't like it but i told them to treat me the same as they normally would or I would detach from them sounds horrible but it worked for me . It's lovely I felt loved and support was there from everyone but wanted my own space too .

hope they slack off and give you the space and if you need support ask when needed .

tske care love Lara ️

It's perfectly natural to push people we love away, we do it to protect them from pain. Just to say though that this period will pas and you will be well again. Let her nurture you, I bet she wishes she could take the bullet for you. Good luck, stay strong. It is lonely but you are not alone x

I relate to this. I had to have a very open & honest conversation with family & friends. Told them that there are things I can't control but I don't want to lose my independence through this. Came to a compromise; got lifts to my first treatments then drove afterwards.

I think if you explain to your mum you just need to get your independence back she'll be ok. 

Hi Shalaway,

I'm ok, still on chemo & getting ready for surgery in a couple of months. I live near Glasgow but love the Western Isles, with Luskentyre one of my favourite beaches. Hoping to visit again when this is all over.

How are you? Did you manage to speak to your mum and come up with a compromise to allow a balance of her looking after you & you still having your independence/peace?

iin

I'm ok. Still on chemo & gearing up for surgery in a couple of months. Still clinging onto my I dependence as much as I can a lthough dreading having to rely on people come surgery recovery.

I live 

I totally agree with you. A beautiful part of the world.

Yes we came to a mutual compromise & I have started offloading to a psychologist at the local "Maggies" centre. It's all good

My middle daughter is in Uni in Glasgow. Year 3 of 4 and loving it although I feel very far away in Inverness-Shire but Easter break is coming!

Thanks for the chat, have a good day

Glad you managed to come to a mutual agreement. It's so hard asking family to take a step back but if it's what you need it's what you need.

Glad you're getting support from Maggies.

Have a lovely time with the kids over Easter & take care of yourself

Shallaway 

how are you doing how is your treatment going lovely ? 
hsbent seen you here for a while hope you are doing well .

love Lara ️

I am glad you are progressing through chemo and side effects are lessening.

It is frustrating transferring from the strong carer of family and friends, to being the one cared for and I feel for you. I know I would be stronger alone if the visits result in silence and sympathy. I am 62, just lost my mother, and my daughter is already insisting I go back to live with them. My journey is only just starting and I have no intention to do that. 

I am trying to be positive. I have told all those that care that I have wanted to throw these heavy wobbly things in the bin since I grew them, and now I am actually looking forward to the double mastectomy and lymph removal on the 16th May. Seriously, I am.  I am seeing the chemo and radiotherapy as a journey with the destination of being healthy and happy. Naive yes, but it keeps me positive. As you have progressed so far, do you see the finishing line for this round yet?

I have a plan that may help with your mother and it involves a ban on tears or sympathy. Any feeling sorry for me gets a fine of owing a fun activity to do. If anyone sits with me during my recovery, they will need to get some new games to play, cards, a jigsaw, or read a book to me while we do it. It sounds like your Mum is going through depression and she needs to get help with that.

All the best xx