Hi Sam, 

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that your dear Grandma is battling this horrible disease. 

I would advice to spend as much time with your Grandma as you can and speak openly with your supportive family members about your feelings.

Grief and loss are so tough, and sadly it is a part of living life - everyone will experience it, but we deal with each step differently x Grief is a personal thing and unique to each person. 

I'm sorry that your partner wouldn't come and be with you while you needed extra support- Maybe doesnt know how to offer comfort to you at this time ? Or lacks empathy and understanding? 

Emotions will be running high...... but focus on you and your Grandma push everything else aside for now x 

Take Care

Xxx

I'm sorry to read about your Grandma.

As for your boyfriend, I don't know how long you have been together but if he can't support you at a time like this, and would rather be at a party I would be questioning whether I should be with him.

Have you a family member or friend that can give you support?

Sending love to you and your Grandma x

Dear Sam77 thank you for your post,

I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother's situation and the concern you have for her.

I see in a previous post that she has advanced lung cancer and is very poorly in a nursing home. She has also been recently diagnosed with a chest infection for which she is receiving antibiotics. To answer your question it is often okay to treat infection in someone who may be close to death. This is because it can help get rid of the infection that can make someone unwell and can make the patient more comfortable.  However, if the patient or doctor feels that it is not appropriate or not in the patient's best interest to treat an infection then this can happen. Sometimes patients with advanced cancer make decisions about how they wish to be cared and treated, this can be done in something called a living will. If your grandmother wanted to and was able to she could say if she wanted active treatment such as antibiotics. You can read about living wills on the NHS website www.nhs.uk/.../ 

I can appreciate that you want your grandmother to be comfortable so if you have concerns that there are too many care interventions by the care team then do talk to her care team about this. I feel I need to say that even if someone is dying there are things that are needed to be done to ensure comfort such as changing the patient's position so they do not get bed sores, helping with toileting and washing. I also wonder if a community palliative care team are able to come and see her and you. They may be able to offer expert palliative care advice and support and be a support to the nursing home care team too.  I am not sure if this service is available in your area but it is something you could ask your grandmother's care team about.  We have some information about caring for someone in their last few days or weeks you might want to read it about-cancer.cancerresearchuk.org/.../last-few-weeks-and-days

I do think you need to talk to the team caring for your grandmother, so I would start with trying to make an appointment to see the nurse in charge to do this. 

This will be a difficult time for you, so I hope you have people around who you can talk with and can support you. Please get back to us if you need any more information or support.  You may find it helpful to talk things through with one of the nurses on our helpline.  The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

Take care,

Caroline