Hi there alun ..

Well think nearly all of us know those feelings and how they can be overwhelming.... but just know, many have travelled the road your on ... and sadly no way round it ... but once you give yourself permission to feel what ever comes into your mind ... it feels copeable in a funny way ... I think it's because we all want to be seen as brave and coping ...

In truth, I think a lot of it is we loose "control" of our lives ... we hand it over to someone we don't know.. in the hope they can help to make it 'better'  the unknown is scary ... and you know once you can say yes I'm scared ... you can start to share how you really feel ... and in doing that you can get a bit of "control" back to ....

This journey is often called a rollercoaster ride .. you get on and off we shoot .. highs of feeling o.k and we can cope ... and lows of overwhelming thoughts ... and all the time not knowing when we can get off .. but if you climb on board ... and hold on tight ... look round when it gets too much and know there's thousands of us on that same ride ...you see the definition of the word "brave" is being scared witless but you do it any way.... that's brave .. 

Well try to keep as busy as poss... though that's quite hard in these covid times ... it's not about winning or losing this journey... it's about looking it in the eye and giving it your best shot ... and balance those feelings .. so welcome to our little chat room.... chrissie x

Hello Alun,

               its strangely perverse but entirely understandable how achingly alone we can feel amidst such a large growing number of people that are daily receiving the bad news of cancer touching their lives.l think the post from Chriss has really captured the essence of the emotions that are released to run wild at this time.Its so hard to make sense of anything as you stare into a featureless black void with no sign of anything like solid ground.But in time you will realise that you are viewing it from just that,and that it is not moving,just the control of your legs has found you wanting,and gradually you will gain recognition of the fact.What you do with it will be the test,worrying about what has gone and that what you cannot change it a lost cause,or look towards doing everything you can do to make a difference going forward ?.Never underestimate the benefit to yourself your mindset can bring,and the help that others surrounding you can bring,and you should definately get in touch with your local Maggies centre.

                       From here on in it will not only be your guardian angel keeping a good watch over you but so many others with the professional experience to help you make the difference.The one thing that does strike me is that perhaps you should change your pseudonym to Alun-notonhisown since the former will become well out of date in the weeks to come,should you allow it to be so

                                                                                                                                  Just keep doing what we all do,our best ,and allow for the thought that you could get there,

                                                                                                          best wishes,

                                                                                                                            David

06:51 and Biopsy is 08:30 and I am totally petrified. All sorts of rubbish going through my mind. I just wish it was all over. If I am like this now what am  I going to be like next week waiting for the results?

Totally normal to be petrified. But don't be utterly despondent.  I'm not a medic but know that lung cancer is not an automatic death sentence. If it is contained within one lung you have a great chance of a cure. And even if it has spread there is still a lot they can do.

Toughing it out until you get the results is horrible. Everybody hates it. But you will get through this period, because everyone does. Then, when you get the results, you will know much more. And that's good. Fear of the unknown is one of the worst things.  Wishing you all the best. Harry

Cheers Folks, I have now had my biopsy and am back home. Was not as bad as I feared. I was a tad bored waiting th 90 mins after it was done so I could go home. I asked my consultant if it is good news or bad and all she would say is probably bad.

Not done me any good but hey ho. It is what it is.

Thanks for all the kind words.

I am off to see if i can claim any benefits now and if anyone has advice on that please do email me.

AOHO

Today is the day I get the results of my biopsy last Thursday. Just before my consultant left I asked her if it is likely to be good news or bad and she replied ''Probably Bad''. Not the answer I wanted but was expecting.

Yesterday, I got a call from the hospital asking me to go along Next Tuesday for a Petscan. If I was not petrified before, which I was and my GP put me on Diazepam, I am absolutley shaking and cannot even hold a cup of coffee now.

So many bad things going through my mind now.

Please wish me luck folks, looks like I need it and the healing hands of a priest.

An extremely worried Alunonhisown

Hello Alun,

                good to hear things are moving forward for you,and you are not having the stress of delayed appointments.Best to bear in mind that bad whilst not ideal, is a long way from disastrous, bad can be sorted out given time,and it looks like you will be hearing shortly how that will be achieved,

                                                                   Breathe,relax,remember that cancer does not like coffee, so make another cup,and give yourself the benefit of your best chance,

                                                                                                             David

Hi Alun.

Glad to hear you are joining the unique group of cancer survivors we just live with our uninvited guest.Mine is prostate, gone to lymph nodes spine, ribs pelvis and a lung .Diagnosed Feb 2016 others have been a lot longer but still keeping going and keeping positive and fighting.Good luck, best wishes for the future.

Billy

OK. You now know what you are dealing with. 

I'm not a medic, but expect you will receive a treatment plan by early December at the latest, and you will feel much better. One thing you might want to think about is seeking a second opinion, if your hospital thinks that it is inoperable. Preferably given by a recognized centre of excellence for lung cancer. 

Wishing you all the very best, Harry