Hi Rayb

just been through this had FLOT april and may operation in june  its a long journey but stick witk it.

It may all sound a bit frightening at first i would recommend you read up on your treatment the FLOT is bearable and the operation is not really a worry although it is a major operation i will say that at no point in my journey have i really suffered any major pain and i am 90  percent recovered as of today if i can offer you any help or advice please contact me as it is always good to hear from someone who has been through this procedure recently , our NHS will take care of you by far the best care you can get ,trust me.

do you know what a plo is in an operation? 

would be grateful if you have any idea

sorry to hear about your diagnosis x

Hi JaelinKent, I am new on this forum.   And it's not me it's my husband with the Oesophageal Cancer.   You have been through a hell of a lot not surprising you have had an emotional breakdown.  Having awful pain to deal with on top of everything else.   So so glad your Mum was able to be there for you and she was able to provide a shoulder to lean on.   She must have been a bit relieved too, to feel maybe she could be some support to you at last with unbottling your emotions.   How clever she must have felt to have found something in the pharmacy that actually worked!   When my daughter had cancer I felt so distraught and out of control when I felt I couldn't do anything to help her, and sometimes felt what I was doing was having the opposite effect.

SallyX

Hi Tabnabs,

You have been through so much and it is horrible news especially when you had made the big decision to go ahead with the op. As Lee and Jae have said Oncologist will have a plan and I hope it helps to know we are right behind you and here to offer our support. 
 

Keeping the faith

Milly

Hi Jae,

It's totally understandable that you have had an emotional breakdown and your mum being able to be there for you is important to both of you. I just wondered if you have been offered any specific help for the psychological  side of  your cancer treatment? We have just accessed a clinical physiologist through the hospital. I have  had counselling in the past to deal with several close bereavements but we are finding it very helpful as it's more than just listening she understands the science and reasons behind your feelings. I know it's not for everyone but  I thought I'd mention it. 

keeping the faith for everyone 

Milly

Hi JaeinKent,

Its totally understandable- I think we all (patients and famil/carers) have experienced these emotional times. Having this group certainly helps as we are all on the 'same page'. In our experience,  an emotional day or two, often is an opportunity to go back to the drawing board and try to refocus on the situation and plan of action. 

We have found that fresh air, change of scenery or if possible a walk in a nice place, can help massively. 

Good luck

Lee

Morning y'all

wow - have we all be quiet recently.

i am really trying now to only log in once a week , as I was daily, sometime more.  I guess it is about trying to move on? Who knows (:

Tabnabs- what an awful disappointment, you had probably 'accepted' the original plan, then hopes raised for a complete stripping, then being literally stripped of that., although hopefully by being on this board  you"'ll be 'comforted'somewhat by the fact that there are a lot around with 'inoperable' doesn't mean 'hopeless' just means different- so you'll get nuked when the beast gets Bolshey-there is more than 1 way of slaughtering the beast. There are a few around on this bored and others that are 'inoperable' , nuked, then d'visable' disease free.

I guess I have been quiet this week too as the 'emotions' have come home to roost. We are both feeling quiet low and tearful. It is of course completely reasonable for the whole year to catch up with us. As we now have finished with ( for now) all the treatment our brains are probably a bit empty of thoughts, so the good ole brain finds stuff to fill the gaps.

Despite knowing full well the reality, it doesn't make it feel any better, we are obsessed with it coming back, now isn't that rather 'indulgent', but it is not helping to know the reality. We were thinking about counselling, but no amount of it will change the reality of what we have been through. We have deliberately kept busy making plans etc, but we are for now quiet on that front. Spending more time sitting down.......... thinking!

Jae of Kent- I totally get and understand your meltdown- they are good for the soul, I would actually love to have one to clear this brain of mine, but even that is not happening- as I tell people I feel like I am swimming through glue!
No doubt we will work it though somehow- as I always say " what choice do we have"

sort of keeping the faith (:

Hilts

Hi Hilts, 

I get what you're saying/feeling. I guess when we are in the thick of it we are on 'auto pilot' but when we 'relax ' a bit after positive news, we then spill the emotions!

I think having the news of esophageal cancer is enough to break anyone- and there's no shame in that.

We find that keeping focused but also having 1/2 days in a week where we don't mention cancer at all,  really helps. 

I guess there's no right or wrong way to deal with this but a lesson my Dad has always taught me is 'only worry about things you can do something about ' 

Lee

Hi leechamps

yep, you are absolutely correct.

Auto pilot is defo the thing- I even went to work the whole time- it was distraction, but absolutely on a mission too. Now I am finding work far more stressful that i did during, even though the work etc is exactly the same.

We know ALL  reasons and rationals but the old brain just doesn't see it that way. The worst thing about it, is that we were 'lucky', job done (for now), so I should just be grateful and stop feeling sorry for myself, but hey that is the rational side of it.

It WILL wash through, I suppose we ( our brains) are processing the whole thing and we are in a 'quiet time' - it is probably the first time since treatment , and diagnosis really ,that we have had the time just to sit down and errrrrr think. 
I know we should just let in come and process, but I hate the glue feeling, but as we all know human emotions are pretty spectacular things..

I know deep down that I am okay, but (always one ) I just need to 'accept' that this is okay and will blow over.

i have already broken my own once a week log in rule, but hey we all reach out when in need.

Keeping the faith sort of (:

Hilts

Hi all,

I get what you are both saying. We have had too much time from them beginning of this. Our youngest son moved out Iast July 2020 and my supply work wasn't available due to COVID. Also going swimming and choir stopped but I'm hoping to get back after Kev's chemo finishes.
 

Hilts,  I think it's natural to feel unsure but Kev says the same as Lee's dad and it's very true but not always easy to do. You will pick yourself through this phase and having a young family will help. As I said in my previous post we've found the NHS clinical psychologist who specialises in cancer very helpful but I appreciate it's not for everyone. I also agree getting out does the world of good and now my boot is off I can drive again so yippee! 

Kev had his 3rd cycle on Friday so last one should be on 17th September fingers crossed. 

Keeping the faith for you all,

Milly
 

Hi Lee an everyone else

i just wanted to let you all know i fully understand the different emotional status of those of us on the "curative" path compared to that of those on  "paliative" care , there is a vast difference between the two but we should all continue to offer support to each other with any non clinical hints and tips which can help , i have recently struggled with anxiety being in a crowded social situation , i now am reluctant to go into anywhere with more than a dozen others in it , had some reflexology recently but the jury is still out on that one , is anyone getting B12 injections or any other supplements ? that we may not be getting through our reduced food intake , any advice would be welcome , lastly i hope those who haven't been posting for a while are doing ok Ray b in particular , anyway may your god bless you and yours and take care.

Regards

Douglas

Hi Douglas,  its getting bad when you're asking for advice- you've been our inspiration (or definitely mine).

Sorry but I cant help with the B12 injections. 

My Dad has been trying to take in any vitamin deficiency through smoothies- identifying anything he needs then adding this through specific fruits/veg.

We have (as a family) just been out for a few drinks after I finished work, and this really makes a positive difference- the social impact is really good. We spoke about different 'life' situations and this was definitely a positive. 

Good luck to everyone. 

Lee 

Hi Douglas,  its getting bad when you're asking for advice- you've been our inspiration (or definitely mine).

Sorry but I cant help with the B12 injections. 

My Dad has been trying to take in any vitamin deficiency through smoothies- identifying anything he needs then adding this through specific fruits/veg.

We have (as a family) just been out for a few drinks after I finished work, and this really makes a positive difference- the social impact is really good. We spoke about different 'life' situations and this was definitely a positive. 

Good luck to everyone. 

Lee 

hi Lee

Thank you , i think the extended period of isolation up until April is where my anxiety problem lies , i will get through it i am sure , i reckon on 2 years post operation ro recover to a near normal  lifestyle so i am not to bothered about minor obstacles along the way , i hope your Dad is managing his condition well and i am sure you are a great help supporting him , this  journey continues each and every day although sometimes the path ahead might not appear to be clear , you take care now

Regards

Douglas