Hi Tabnabs,

Sorry to hear that news - we had similar news 1 year ago, my Dad has just completed 1 year from when first diagnosed and the chemotherapy along with other measures, have 'maintained ' the disease and it hasn't spread since. I guess what I'm trying to say  is there's something 'a little positive ' to be had and it's not all doom and gloom. The plan of action that you'll set out with the oncologist will be an important moment- good luck.

Lee

What terrible news, news I myself got in June. There is still hope, and at the very least, a journey ahead. I'll be thinking of you and "keeping the faith".

Semi-regular personal update: in last 9 days I've spent 4 full days in my chemo unit (9 hours a time). Needed two blood transfusions (two units a piece), my regular chemo day, an echocardiogram and a new type of targeted chemo too. Been to hospital every working day in the last 6(!) and going to a new one on Tuesday to possibly start radiology on my right arm.

Had an emotional breakdown yesterday which finally meant my Mum felt useful as she came to see me when I got home and I got to cry on her shoulder. My arm pain is intense and I am 4 different painkillers and my mucus problem was so bad I even worried the chemo nurses yesterday. But sent Mum to pharmacy and an over the counter drug has helped hugely last night. Feel like a new man. Not sure why my doctors and nurses haven't suggested it!

Hoping for a relaxing weekend for me and all of you. 

Hi JaelinKent, I am new on this forum.   And it's not me it's my husband with the Oesophageal Cancer.   You have been through a hell of a lot not surprising you have had an emotional breakdown.  Having awful pain to deal with on top of everything else.   So so glad your Mum was able to be there for you and she was able to provide a shoulder to lean on.   She must have been a bit relieved too, to feel maybe she could be some support to you at last with unbottling your emotions.   How clever she must have felt to have found something in the pharmacy that actually worked!   When my daughter had cancer I felt so distraught and out of control when I felt I couldn't do anything to help her, and sometimes felt what I was doing was having the opposite effect.

SallyX

Hi Tabnabs,

You have been through so much and it is horrible news especially when you had made the big decision to go ahead with the op. As Lee and Jae have said Oncologist will have a plan and I hope it helps to know we are right behind you and here to offer our support. 
 

Keeping the faith

Milly

Hi Jae,

It's totally understandable that you have had an emotional breakdown and your mum being able to be there for you is important to both of you. I just wondered if you have been offered any specific help for the psychological  side of  your cancer treatment? We have just accessed a clinical physiologist through the hospital. I have  had counselling in the past to deal with several close bereavements but we are finding it very helpful as it's more than just listening she understands the science and reasons behind your feelings. I know it's not for everyone but  I thought I'd mention it. 

keeping the faith for everyone 

Milly

Hi JaeinKent,

Its totally understandable- I think we all (patients and famil/carers) have experienced these emotional times. Having this group certainly helps as we are all on the 'same page'. In our experience,  an emotional day or two, often is an opportunity to go back to the drawing board and try to refocus on the situation and plan of action. 

We have found that fresh air, change of scenery or if possible a walk in a nice place, can help massively. 

Good luck

Lee

Morning y'all

wow - have we all be quiet recently.

i am really trying now to only log in once a week , as I was daily, sometime more.  I guess it is about trying to move on? Who knows (:

Tabnabs- what an awful disappointment, you had probably 'accepted' the original plan, then hopes raised for a complete stripping, then being literally stripped of that., although hopefully by being on this board  you"'ll be 'comforted'somewhat by the fact that there are a lot around with 'inoperable' doesn't mean 'hopeless' just means different- so you'll get nuked when the beast gets Bolshey-there is more than 1 way of slaughtering the beast. There are a few around on this bored and others that are 'inoperable' , nuked, then d'visable' disease free.

I guess I have been quiet this week too as the 'emotions' have come home to roost. We are both feeling quiet low and tearful. It is of course completely reasonable for the whole year to catch up with us. As we now have finished with ( for now) all the treatment our brains are probably a bit empty of thoughts, so the good ole brain finds stuff to fill the gaps.

Despite knowing full well the reality, it doesn't make it feel any better, we are obsessed with it coming back, now isn't that rather 'indulgent', but it is not helping to know the reality. We were thinking about counselling, but no amount of it will change the reality of what we have been through. We have deliberately kept busy making plans etc, but we are for now quiet on that front. Spending more time sitting down.......... thinking!

Jae of Kent- I totally get and understand your meltdown- they are good for the soul, I would actually love to have one to clear this brain of mine, but even that is not happening- as I tell people I feel like I am swimming through glue!
No doubt we will work it though somehow- as I always say " what choice do we have"

sort of keeping the faith (:

Hilts

Hi leechamps

yep, you are absolutely correct.

Auto pilot is defo the thing- I even went to work the whole time- it was distraction, but absolutely on a mission too. Now I am finding work far more stressful that i did during, even though the work etc is exactly the same.

We know ALL  reasons and rationals but the old brain just doesn't see it that way. The worst thing about it, is that we were 'lucky', job done (for now), so I should just be grateful and stop feeling sorry for myself, but hey that is the rational side of it.

It WILL wash through, I suppose we ( our brains) are processing the whole thing and we are in a 'quiet time' - it is probably the first time since treatment , and diagnosis really ,that we have had the time just to sit down and errrrrr think. 
I know we should just let in come and process, but I hate the glue feeling, but as we all know human emotions are pretty spectacular things..

I know deep down that I am okay, but (always one ) I just need to 'accept' that this is okay and will blow over.

i have already broken my own once a week log in rule, but hey we all reach out when in need.

Keeping the faith sort of (:

Hilts

Hi all,

I get what you are both saying. We have had too much time from them beginning of this. Our youngest son moved out Iast July 2020 and my supply work wasn't available due to COVID. Also going swimming and choir stopped but I'm hoping to get back after Kev's chemo finishes.
 

Hilts,  I think it's natural to feel unsure but Kev says the same as Lee's dad and it's very true but not always easy to do. You will pick yourself through this phase and having a young family will help. As I said in my previous post we've found the NHS clinical psychologist who specialises in cancer very helpful but I appreciate it's not for everyone. I also agree getting out does the world of good and now my boot is off I can drive again so yippee! 

Kev had his 3rd cycle on Friday so last one should be on 17th September fingers crossed. 

Keeping the faith for you all,

Milly