Hi! Felt that I needed to reply to you as soon as I read your post as I can completely relate to what you’re going through. I was just diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday morning after an 8 day wait for my biopsy results. I’m 39 with 3 older children & a 2 year old little boy. Mine started with a bit of pain & a’feeling’ that something wasn’t quite right with my left Breast, then I noticed some dimples and 3 weeks ago I felt the dreaded lump. I have idc stage 1 ER+ & PR+ waiting on the HER2 result. I’ll be having a lumpectomy in 2 weeks time followed by radiotherapy & then possibly chemo. All I can tell you is that I felt so much better once I got my results - the waiting, with all the stress & anxiety that brings was making me feel so ill & I couldn’t sleep or anything. Last night I slept 8 hours!

I’m here if you want to talk, it’s a frightening experience but I hope it helps a little bit to know that you’re not alone and others know exactly what you’re going through. It will get better, 

Bex x

Thank you so much replying Bex. My mind is in overdrive and I keep imagining that they knew it was bad and were holding something back from me. Did you have a similar experience at your mammogram?  They seemed to be sure it was cancer. The ultrasound on my lymph was clear so I'm clinging onto that but I've no idea how to get through the next 9 days. When I think about it, my heart starts pounding and I start shaking.

I'm so glad you feel better now that you have answers and can get in with getting better. 
 

thanks again for the reply I just don't know what to do with myself xxx

I know, it’s just so hard to try to stop your mind from imagining all sorts of scenarios, the dark thoughts creep in - you can’t help it. All you can do is try to rationalise and distract your mind as much as possible. It really is still highly likely that it’s benign, they really don’t know for sure until the pathology results come back. When I had my mammogram, ultrasound & biopsy done they honestly didn’t give anything away, I did feel very sorry for myself after the biopsy, I think up until that point I kind of told myself that maybe I’d imagined the lump but obviously they found something there for them to do the biopsy, it all messes with your head so much but it honestly does get better. Be kind to yourself, try to do something relaxing that you enjoy, sending you a big hug,

Bex x

Thanks Bex, they definitely told me to prepare for it be cancer and I'm trying to cling onto the fact the ultrasound on my lymph was clear. If I know it's treatable then I know what I'm a dealing with and I can move forwards but the uncertainty is agonising and i'm definitely going to the darkest places. I'm traumatised by the most terrifying experience of lying there and then telling me and my whole body just started shaking. I felt so useless. X

It is really good that your axillery lymph nodes look clear on the ultrasound, it’s obviously better if the cancer hasn’t spread. Mine look clear too so I’m hoping the surgery will just be a straight forward lumpectomy with clear margins. It is such a shock to the system - I doubt most people on here ever would’ve thought they would be coming on  here for support, but unfortunately that’s the nature of cancer, it doesn’t discriminate. I never thought in a million years that it would be me, I naively thought that because I have no family history of breast cancer, I’m a non-smoker, don’t drink, only 39 etc etc it would never happen to me, until it does. I know it sucks, but if you do find out for sure that it’s cancer, we’ll kick it’s butt together! Hope you’re feeling ok this morning, try to keep as busy as you can,

Bex x

I can't believe I've already found someone to support me on here. I've just filled up because I'm so grateful for you being here and answering my messages. Shall we try and see this through together for a bit? It looks like we're in a similar place xxx

God, don’t! you’ll start me off!! Yes definitely, I’m here for you anytime you want to talk, I’m so grateful to have found this forum, sometimes it’s easier than talking to family because you don’t want to upset them. We’ll get through this! x

It's mad I've deleted my Facebook and Instagram and now sent you a friend request on a cancer chat. My world is totally upside down. I promise I'm not usually a wimp and fully intend to give it everything once I know what I'm dealing with. I hope you've got lots of support. X

It's mad I've deleted my Facebook and Instagram and now sent you a friend request on a cancer chat. My world is totally upside down. I promise I'm not usually a wimp and fully intend to give it everything once I know what I'm dealing with. I hope you've got lots of support. X

Just read these posts and wanted to say thank you, don't feel alone. I've been so convinced that my 'lump' would be a cyst and after the mammogram & ultrasound yesterday the dr told me to prepare for it being cancer - the biopsy results may take 5-10days. Since getting back from hospital yesterday my mind is racing... the not knowing if it's spread or not is so distressing. From the ultrasound, one of the lymph nodes looks 'to have build-up' around it.... don't know what that means.... 

x 

Hi Berks, I don't come on here any more but I saw your message and had to reply. I know exactly how you feel and the terror of the situation and waiting can feel totally overwhelming. I was in your shoes more or less exactly one year ago. It was a multifocal (more than one) bc, in one lymph node, thankfully it was a grade one and after a mastectomy it was sent for genetic testing which meant I didn't need chemo. I had radiotherapy and I'm on tamoxifen and Zoladex (puts me into a menopause because im only 41) and all of this is manageable. I look back and think some of the best advice is not to google too much, trust in the doctors, and don't expect too much from yourself, this is hard and it's okay to not be 'strong' about it, I certainly wasn't. 

I hope it makes you feel better if I tell you that I'm back at work, I'm a PE teacher so I'm back doing all my sport, I'm organising a staff party and getting on with normal things again. I feel so lucky but I'll never take normal things for granted again.

take care and I really hope things work out for you

x

Thank you so much for your reply - it really means a lot. Your positivity is infectious:) 

x