My husband knew what was going on till the end too...couldn't talk but still managed to let us know he knew what we were saying..its such a heartbreaking thing to have to go thru for all of us, devastating and wrecks your life...awful for our kids having to cope with such an awful thing so young too, just cant find anything positive to say about what we've been through, no wonder we feel so isolated. I've met very few people who really understand (though many say they do!), its 7 weeks now for me, it's not getting easier yet, occassionally laugh with the kids over something,  then feel incredibly guilty for doing so! haven't felt carefree and happy since his diagnosis, not sure if I ever will again...the only slightly positive thing I have heard is that children survive bereavement of a parent better than divorce! But none of our lives will ever be the same ever again,  I wish people could just accept that fact and mourn with us instead of trying to "cheer us up ", that's not what I want at the moment,  and any 'fun' I might accidentally have just makes me feel guilty!

Yep we're going through exact same thing hun, it's been 3 months on 24th feels like it's been longer the missing just gets more an more, I find myself listening to songs 2 called dancing in the sky and jealous of the angels, an have a gud cry, todays been one of my down days more down than all the days, literally made sure kids r alive fed them and now in bed cause I can't function on these bad days, my 7 year old is just ok it's strange I spoke to people and like u said kids just seem to bounce bk she misses him bad but she's been a lot better than I was expecting, I'm kind of glad, but then we haven't faced farthers day his bday or Christmas yet things myt change, I wish I cud give u some hope but u no there's non an nothin I can say r pain is here to stay, I don't no how people learn to live with this pain, how can we go from having a happy family to this it's so unfair, my one year old is hard work I'm looking forward to lockdown being over so I can just go sumwere by myself and put my earphones in an just remember him an us somewhere with a lovely view all I'm dreaming about just a day by myself, I feel guilty for dreaming of that but cause it's 24 7 at the moment I just feel I need a day to myself not that it will sort anything out, my sister tries to help with msgs and phoning but like u say no one understands she has her fella an kids rs has been took away an all too fast, we had so much stuff we wanted to do wen Rory got abit bigger it's just all too much, I'd give anything to have him bk I feel like I'm here but I'm not here cause I don't no me anymore, all my love hun I'm here for u xxxx

woke up this morning thinking " oh another day to get through. .", before he was diagnosed I would wake up anticipating the day and how we would spend it, chat to him in bed , all gone! This cancer has not just robbed us of us husband's,  it's taken from our children the lighthearted fun people we were. ..affects your life in so many different ways that other people don't understand AT ALL!  Weirdly I had a dream about him , and woke up with this song going round in my head,  I don't think I have ever dreamed a song before,  and this is not one I've heard recently - "Don't you, forget about me" by simple minds,  so appropriate if you listen to it, I hope it is him coming thru to tell me he's still there somewhere with us somehow. ..doesn't stop the pain of missing him and needing him now tho...our oven broke,  he would have fixed it in the past,  but I had to get a new one. . Just got it delivered and it has no power point on the side to plug our other stuff into!  so now I have a kitchen full of stuff I can't use!  they said "you might have to get an electrician to put a new power point in "! Great! As well as their loss there are all these little practical things I get wrong,  he would of thought about the plug, didn't occur to me! Dreading something going wrong with the car. ....!

Hi, how are you going? I saw a grief counselor today for the first time ( we have moved to lockdown level 2 here and can do appts face to face again), she is thru the funeral home and understood more then most what we have been through, just cant relate to most people now so nice when you find someone you can talk to..getting tired of people complaining about the Corona virus and having less work and money, they can come back from that, we cant! We would of happily sold our house and started again if the money could've saved his life, they have their health, their lives, stop complaining, you're alive!!

Aww did u did it help atall I can't wait to speak to someone get it all out see if it helps, I'm picking his ashes up tomos morn, dreading it I feel like it's gunna hit me all over again not that it ever goes away, I'm sad that I'm 32 and I'm always gunna have this new feeling of just pain in me, numb to the world, ye I see people couples moaning am like least u have each other how dare they complain, sum people just have no idea how much pain we're actually in not a day or nyt goes by I don't cry cause the ache an loneliness just gets to much, been over 3 months now an it's still not sunk in that this is my life now, thanks for msging again xxx all my love 

Daughters birthday today, turning 13 without her Dad, will try to make it a good day for her sake but underneath I'm seething with rage that he's not here to see it, when he was first diagnosed he said to his mum "I might not get to see my girls grow up", still breaks my heart thinking of him saying that but nothing we can do except hope no more of us get it and are robbed again of someone special we love and need in our lives.  people might be getting a little less money at the moment but our government is making sure they are not destitute, they might have to live without some of their luxuries for a short time but that will do them good I think! Losing your job or taking a pay cut is nothing like losing the love of your life so young, if Tom was here he would be celebrating today by taking his daughter for a bike ride,  that's what he and my daughter loved and it doesn't cost a cent.. I will take her instead but not the same is it...xx

I'm lucky in a way my kids are older and go to bed same time as me now...my older one likes watching some TV I do- little Britain etc, has a friend round tonight watching the Stephen king It movie for her birthday so I'm watching it too....otherwise I would not be up...too depressing.  Our kids were terrible sleepers and all those years we craved 'adult time', now I cant think of anything worse! Dont want to sit here on my own! Dont mind watching stuff in bed on  tele by myself but not out in the living room, just seems so lonely doesnt it, I'll send you a friend request so we can private message xx