On January 29th day after my sons 1st bday my partner got told he had lung cancer stage 4 and it had spread to his spine and liver already, he was 32 we had been together for 11 years had a little girl Sophie now 7 and a little boy Rory now 1 and a half, he was told with treatment he could live up to a year 50 50 chance, the day my world shattered, on the Sunday he was fighting at home for breath so I begged him to go a an e, he did and they did tests and he had got worse, they kept him in to do more tests and so they could sort treatment out faster, He then proposed to me said he wants me to b his wife, we got married in hospital on 13th February,As the days went by he got worse and worse, they did another chest X-ray on the following Wednesday for us to be told there’s nothing they can do and chemo will kill him off anyway, I stayed by his side morning till nyt only slipping out odd half hour hear an there to see my kids which my sister was minding for us, he didn’t ever want me to leave him alone, in the last week he cudnt lie down he would just hold himself up sat on the bed fallin in an out of sleep he new what was coming I think, after longest 3 and half weeks of my life on 24th February he slipped away at 10 to 5 in the morning, although the weeks had been so hard seeing him fade away in front of my eyes I wouldn’t of been anywhere else, I’ve never loved so strongly in my life he was my everything, the hardest part was walking out the department leaving him there knowing that he’s actually gone, like a thousand people were stabbing me in my chest, I took the day of the 24th to myself b4 preparing to break my little girls heart, I’ll never forget her poor little face, it’s been over 2 months now and all I feel is that every day is getting harder, I’ve always hated being alone and now apart from my children I am alone, I stay strong for them in front of them but at night I can’t help but relive different parts of being in hospital with him and his final moments, I’m not sure how I’m ment to come back from this, I just thank so much that I have these 2 to focus on, I just joined incase there’s people feeling the same and not sure if it will help but willing to try anything at this point.
