Hi Sammy,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you have family and friends who you can talk to about your grief and worries. Have you considered contacting CRUSE who help with bereavement counselling? https://www.cruse.org.uk/

I would also consider speaking to your GP who may be able to point you towards a local support group for young parents who have lost a spouse. Gingerbread are an online support group for young parents who have lost a partner - they have a forum and local support groups - they may be able to help www.gingerbread.org.uk/.../

Hopefully other members will come along who have personal experience that they can share with you. My love goes out to you and your children - I hope you find the support and strength to move forward.

Angie x

Thank u I will go on and have a look cause I think a group would help or something like that thank u for your message xx

Hi, wen is ur appointment, I tried to get Damien to talk to me but he didn't really want to he said he can't even think about it cause of the kids aswell, I can't imagine what people that have terminal cancer go through, the last thing ur husband will want is u worrying about him, it's hard my life's never gunna b same again since Damien passed and I'm sure ur husbands won't if worst comes to worse, I can't do anything at the minute I go bed wen kids go bed cause I just can't bare the silence, maybe it won't b diagnosed as terminal, or do u no that for sure, wat cancer is it, my husband had lung but no drs did anything so it spread to liver spine lymph nodes pretty much everywhere even though he went drs complaining like 2 times a week, let ur husband b there for you it's important I wasn't change our last moments togeather an I Wundt of wanted to b anywhere else.

Hi, unfortunately I can totally relate to you, I lost my husband to this disease 6 weeks ago, (3rd April) and I cant imagine it ever getting better either. Today my daughter turned 9, first birthday he has missed, all I can think is "first of many he wont be there for " , everyone keeps wishing her 'happy birthday' as if everything is normal,  and its not and never will be. I've tried to be brave for her and ensure she had a good day but all I've wanted all day is for it to be over and crawl into bed...and relief that with the lockdown I didnt have to throw her a party! my older daughter turns 13 at the end of the month....then coming up we have fathers day,  his birthday,  Christmas......a whole line of 'celebrations' that aren't any longer. He was only 44, had so much to live for still, so unfair!  I don't know how we get thru, the kids keep us busy but the knowledge of loss  is always there. i cant relate to alot of people anymore, with their happy healthy families and no REAL worries,  everything seems insignificant compared to what we have been thru...my husband was at home at the end  the kids watched him go downhill rapidly and we were all with him when he went  they helped me nurse him. I am going to try to find a widows group of some sort when things go back to normal,  dont feel I belong in my old circles anymore...

Hi I'm sorry to hear that, ye it's a complete new world one I'm so not ready to join, it's mad how life just goes bk to normal for people, there is no normal for us anymore, I read grief things and all it says is basically it never goes away I learn to live with it, there's no words or anything that can help us the one thing that can we can't have cause they have gone, my one year old keeps me busy but also reminds me constantly of all the things he's going to miss his first words school, I'm dreading Christmas it's one thing I keep thinking about an how hard it's going to b wrapping presents by myself them wakin up opening stuff an him not bein here, it's going to b torcher, people say I'll feel bit better after lockdown an world gets bk to normal but it's not true cause even after lockdown he's still never coming bk, I go bed with the kids still cause I can't stay up just yet, the world is so cruel I feel ur pain xx

I go to bed when the kids do too! Nothing to stay up for now. .and noone to chat to in the morning about what we are going to do today.  he's the only one that knows all our history. ..he was there at the childrens births etc, now I will be the only one who remembers these things, our holidays etc. There's so many different ways we are suffering with the loss of him...it's just so unfair and like u say, never going to change. I look at someone hobbling along on one leg who I would've felt sorry for in the past and think 'lucky you,  you're alive! Think of all the stuff we've done together in the past and all I can think is how sad we have no future anymore

Ye I'm the same lost head of r life, sick of hearing u will b ok, no one knows I loved him so much he was my world, I see pics on fb of couples enjoying lockdown an family's n I just cry sum times cause I'd of loved this lockdown if he was here and it's just so hard to function everyday, I'd like to say it does get easier it's been 3 months on 24th may and to me everyday is getting harder, I don't no how we go on it is what people say just say by day, sun days I get nothing dun in house atall I look forward to doin kids tea cause it means it's closer to bed time, not that I sleep great, I wanna join a group to wen it's all over see if that helps atall, not even picked his ashes up yet cause of all this going on, when was ur husbands funeral was it strict cause of all this going on, his was just b4 all this started xxx

I hate Facebook now!!Just makes me feel bad, Valentine's day nearly killed me, my 'friends' were posting all these pics of their partners surprise chocolates and flowers etc, I was lying in bed next to my husband in hospital talking about his funeral.....he passed away during the lockdown and we looked after him at home with very little help really...luckily he was strong and determined till the end, crawling to the toilet the day before he died cause he couldn't walk but didnt want to be a nuisance, a few days before he went he disappeared out the bedroom and the kids said he had struggled down the outside stairs and into his man cave somehow tho he could hardly walk...I thought he must have been saying his goodbyes... then after he went I remembered he said there was a heater  on a timer down there he wanted me to turn off, once before I had covered if in stuff and forgotten it was there and he was worried I would do it again! So I went down to do it and it had already been done...thats what he was doing - he had forced himself down there to keep us safe...that's true love, not a box of chocolates sitting on the bench...we had a quick funeral ( we live in NZ by the way, so things are a bit quicker anyway!). He passed away on Friday afternoon at home, he wanted an eco burial ( all natural materials,  a wooden plaque and a tree planted on you), usually they do natural embalming which lasts up to 3 days, but weren't allowed because of the virus, so he stayed at home overnight,  the next morning the funeral director came with one person to help, and we went straight to the cemetery! His mum and I dressed him ourselves, my daughter and I helped lift him in the coffin, carried him down the stairs and out to the car (surprisingly heavy despite losing do much weight), our neighbors watched over the fence but weren't allowed to help, so it was just me, his mum, and our two girls allowed at the funeral. Oddly intimate tho and self satisfying doing it yourself,  I think it made it easier on the kids too not having a crowd of people there. We are going to do a memorial later when things settle down tho...but now I feel very much removed from 'normal' life, and can't relate to many people,  pretty much want to be left alone so j mainly just chat online to people who I feel understand..

I think use r incredibly brave doing it all from home, we had to take Damien in on a Sunday he cudnt breath and he never came out, I spent near enough 3 weeks in hosp with him just nipping home for hr here an there to see kids, he wanted me by his side, he rapidly got worse he came close a few nights but cause of his age his heart was fighting, last few days an nights towards the end he wide just sit up he didn't want to lie down the nurse said he new it was close, I broke so many times can't imagine what was going through his head I kept hoping cause of the meds he was forget wat was actually happening but he never did, I'm like urself just not interested in anything, I try but it's so hard I just want him back, god bless ur girls must of been hard, I took my kids in to see him few times but Sophie cud see the weight and even said he didn't look like daddy so he didn't want them to come at the end xxx