Hi,
This may be my first and last post - I am not usually so sad and feeling so lonely.
My wife has many problems, she has been seriousy depressed for 18 years, she has complex mental illnesses, she has not been able to eat solid food for 4 years - neuropathy in her colon, kidney function is poor, the list is too long to even continue with. Even with all her problems she is a great fighter and anyone just meetign her would not realise she had anything wrong.
We say it is like the Greek Gods looking down and she gets singed out for them to play games - "lets see if she can cope with a broken ankle" "Oh she has so lets add depression that will get her" " She is still going, add on schizophrenia" "How does she carry on - lets stop her eating, she loves eating" and so on each time the Gods add another problem to test her strength and stamina.
A month ago she had a blood test, it took a month to get the appointent with the doctor who said she needs to be seen following the test - and immediately she was him he requested an appointment for gastroscopy and endoscopy as she is badly anaemic has terrible pains in her stomach and he wants her checked for cancer. She has had severe pains for years so this coud have been hiding anything.
You all know what that feels like - urgently to have tests. Scheduled for Monday - today I got a phone call that all endoscopy is postponed from today with no idea when it will start up again.
My poor wife has been so scared about the virus, she has been terrified going shopping because the people seem so aggressive and selfish. She already has problems going out and meeting people. She insists I should not go out as I am older but she is in a high risk category. She comes home crying.
She has had both procedures before when th neuropathy was diagnosed, so she had to fight to cope with the fear of hving cancer and the tests which were a bad experience for her. Now I had to tell her the tests are off and so she will be worrying about possible cancer for an unknown time.
I try to keep a brave face, we have supoorted each other through so much in the last 20 years but now I am at breaking point and don't know how to cope giving her the emotiona support she needs ithout breaking down myself.
Because of her social anxiety we tend to stay in most of the time (I suppose at least the current corona virus staying at home bit won't cause us any trouble) but we have no friends, the neighbours are a miserable bunch and my children are a ong way from here and dont realy care about me anyway
So I am here just to give me a chance of feeling sorry for myself while I cry over my keyboard.
What if she has cancer - what if it is already at a critical stage and she has to wait months for any help at all?
How can either of us look on the bright side - although I suppose there are currently other options, what if one of us gets the virus - who goes first? Will anyone outside our house even know?
Now I am just thinking that I am stupid even writing this, I need to tell myself to calm down, fill up the dishwasher and brush the kitchen floor.
