Hi, so sorry to hear about your Dad. Was your fiance close to your Dad too? Alot of people dont deal well with someone they know dying, especially if someone close to them has passed away in a similar way in the past and they didnt deal with it at the time, something else similar happening can flare up all those repressed feelings and make them overwhelming. I guess only you know what he was like before, if the drinking is new and is his way of dealing with grief then he needs to work through it, hard when u expect the most support from those closest to u but they cant always provide it. My young husband (44) has terminal oesophagus cancer and is in his last weeks, those closest to me (eg my mum) have been the least support which really hurts, the best support has come from those I hardly know surprisingly. The drinking would need sorting though, you have to decide whether your relationship is worth fighting for really, and if it is, let him know you need to seek help together for him to change. Maybe for a start he could accompany u to some grief counseling? I have found it difficult to reach my 12 year old daughter about what we are going thru, she wont talk to me directly, but through a third person (counsellor) I am able to tell her what I want her to hear and I know she is listening, but wont engage when I try to talk to her direct. Its heartbreaking to lose your Dad and now feel you might also lose your relationship but alot if us do not feel properly understood and supported by those we love most sadly...

Hi Louise,

tough times for you. Losing your dad is hard. It will improve but be kind to yourself and concentrate on YOU. 

I think we all seek refuge from the harshness of life at times . With food or alcohol or even through promiscuity. It’s the way of humans. However we don’t need to hold onto to those who need a ‘carer’ or a monitor. It sounds as if your partner is becoming an extra  ‘job’ for you to do. Is that fair or right?   I don’t think so. You have enough on. Maybe you both could take a break from one another whilst you grieve and he sorts himself out....

There isn’t an easy resolution  here  because whatever you do it likely won’t feel right initially. After all nothing IS right. Your dad isn’t here. 

All I would say is don’t take on any extra jobs! People who make good partners validate us, appreciate us and come seeking similar things in return. They don’t need a ‘keeper’ nor are reliant on other substances. Go gently.

Sending positive vibes

Kebbs x