How long have you been living with cancer? That's incredible that you were able to work and look after your wife. That must be so hard; Alzheimers is awful. Do you have a good support network? You should take it easy and take some time out for yourself.

Hi Catlady,

So sorry to read about your Mum. Just to backup what Billygoatt has said, there are several different scenarios with many diseases or conditions, including cancer.

Curable - you have a problem but there's a known cure which is available to you. e.g. cutting out an infected appendix or taking anti-biotics.

Incurable - there's no known cure. e.g. there's currently no known cure for the common cold virus. 

Operable - surgery is an option.

Inoperable - surgery isn't an option.

Treatable - treatments are available which will alleviate the symptoms. e.g. taking cough medicine or paracetomol to relieve the symptoms of a cold. Or chemo to relieve the symptoms of cancer.

Untreatable - there are no known effective treatments OR your physical health means that the treatment could cause more harm than good. e.g. a very frail person could be treated with chemo but it would kill them because they are so week.

Terminal - death is imminent. There's no formal definition of this but "probable within six weeks" seems to be accepted by many clinicians. This is often wrongly conflated with incurable and/or untreatable. 

In my case I was diagnosed as inoperable, incurable but treatable in 2013 and referred for palliative chemotherapy treatment.The chemo was intended to shrink all my cancers and slow down their growth - it wasn't intended to cure me merely to reduce the symptoms and their impact on my daily life.

It worked and I'm still here to tell my story.

Good luck to you and your Mum.

Dave

Thanks for the support; it's so scary and I'm so terrified of losing my mind. She has a bronchoscopy today. Whilst she won't know the results the consultant will be able to tell her a bit. I'm so so scared. I know that treatment for cancer has improved greatly but cancer is still so unpredictable and scary. I don't have a large support network either. I feel so alone. Nobody really loves me apart from my mum and I love her so much. It was bad enough losing my dad to a heart attack when I was 14. I'm not ready to lose my mum. I don't think that it's her time. She has so much life and energy.

Losing mum* though I feel that I'm losing my mind as well

Hi catlady my wife has a carer to help wash her in the morning i hold her up while they wash her. No other support. Apart from when i have to go out, appointments or shopping a good neighbour comes to keep their eyes on her. Before we got married i promised I'd look after her she's nearly 14years older than me.. Anyway good luck and best wishes for the future...... Billy 

Hi . My husband was diagnosed with incurable prostate cancer which had spread to the bones and was inoperable.. in 2012 . We were devasted by this he was only 66. He has been treated with the standard hormone treatment of injection every 3 months plus a trial drug which has proved very successful. Considering his prognosis was poor in 2012 he has done very well. We are now at the point of having radiotherapy on the prostate with other options to consider .

if your mum's cancer has not spread there is every reason to be hopeful for the future . The initial shock will fade . Try and get through the chemo and remain positive. There is a future ! Very best wishes , Marilyn 

Hi,

I hope you don't mind me jumping in but I've found this useful to read. My mum has been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer today. After 10/11 years it's made a re-appearance just slightly higher and in her chest wall (she previously had a mastectomy with underarm lymph nodes out followed by chemo and medication). It has gone into one lymph node which has then made another small tumour under her arm. All her organs have come back clear on the CT scan which I'm clinging on to. The consultant has said that it's incureable but treatable. They are worried about the mass on the chest wall as it's next to her main artery so surgery isn't possible anyway. I'm struggling to come to terms with this phrase and just the diagnosis in general. I'm 28 and cannot lose my mum yet I'm also 6 months pregnant meaning we can't even see each other due to us both now being classed as high risk with the Coronavirus.

Any words/guidance would be greatly appreciated xx

Hi there 

Just seen this post . My heart goes out to you at this dark time for all of us . I'm no expert , just a few years down the line in terms of cancer treatment for my husband. Please feel encouraged that the Doctors are not treating  your Mum as terminal .They are saying that her cancer is treatable and they would not say that if it wasn't true. I know it's so hard not to be able to see your Mum at the moment but we have to obey the rules and keep ourselves as safe as possible , especially as you will soon have a baby for you both to love. Alastair is going into radiotherapy tomorrow so we enter a new phase . Keep positive , keep well and all good wishes to you and your Mum x

Hi Penzance,

sorry for the late reply I'm still learning how to use this forum. Thank you so much for replying it has made me feel better. My mum is so looking forward to the baby, she's currently crocheting a blanket whilst we're in this lock down! How did Alastair go with his radiotherapy? Happy Easter also x