hi [@Fran4rr]‍. 

Firstly im

so sorry your family are going through this. Myself last year was in a similar position. My husband was diagnosed with liver cancer. He himself only focuses on treatments as felt it was good for his mind set. Myself I wanted to know more I was driving my self mad. Unfortunately I never asked until it was two late. All I’d say is speak to your husband lots. We did alway. Keep friends close and rant away endlessly. Our nurses was fantastic and would often talk to me private as they knew Chris  wishes. As for the kids our little girl was 1 at the time so I didn’t have to explain. But I kept her close at all times and hugs are always on the go. I know this is not really advice, but the one thing I regret for us is not asking more. I’ve been left with so many questions and so many things I wish I’d told my husband. Stay strong! Your doing amazing. Xxx

Hi Mrs Sheldon,

thank you so so much for your response. I always feel so alone and so your message has made me feel so thankful and appreciative that you took the time out of your day to speak to me.

Can I please ask how things are with you and your family now? 

I do not know who to speak to or what to ask. There never seems to be any Dr’s around when I am there and I just know that if My husband overheard me he would be furious. In some respects I feel like he is being selfish.

My daughters are 13 and 10 and so I think that they are at a very  “difficult” ages I want to make sure I get this right!

thank you so much again and Kind regards

Fran 

Hi, 

i lost my dad 58 in March to Oesophagus cancer.

My sister and I are much older than yours 32/30 and although I would say it is important to tell them the truth, at those ages I’m not sure that’s right? But they do need to be prepared for what the future could hold. Do you have any Macmillan support? They deal with this day in day out and may have some advice on explaining things. That said you do have to be careful what you say if your husband isn’t fully aware.

i do know that my mum spent every second she could with dad, those times just talking and hugging and even crying were so precious and she can look back now and know she made the most of every moment she could with him, same as us girls. 

Dont go back to work if it is at all possible. Work will always be there, but right now your husband and children are the most important thing. X

Fran, my heart goes out to you. This sounds like hell and more than you can deal with on your own. I second pp who mentions Macmillan, get on to them and they can support you in finding the help you need to manage this. They will also be able to advise on how you can communicate the situation to your kids.

Don't even be thinking about work. 

Big hugs x

Thank you so much to everyone who responded to my post. 

I did make an appointment to speak to a Macmillan counsellor in the early days of his diagnosis but my in -laws (who I don’t get on with) called me the night before the appointment and told me “You better “f^{¥%” cancel that appointment! Your husband needs you with him. This  is not about you!”

When I tried to talk to them and tell them I’m struggling they said they can’t understand why I could be struggling as I’m not working at the moment! I told them my 10 year old breaks her heart every night for her Daddy and they just blank me. They do visit my husband every day but never offer much help for me or the kids. I am quite literally not allowed to do anything or go anywhere outwith hospital/hospice visiting or caring for my husband on the nights he is home.

Thanks for allowing me to vent. I feel better even just getting this out of my system. Think I will try again to catch someone at the Hospice today and ask for a meeting with the consultant.

Love and hugs to everyone who has been affected by this cruel disease xx 

In   No way are you being selfish  and as for in laws! I had one of those too  she birdied her head in the sand (still does) and even told my husband I was not aloud to ask any thing or he was?!? It took a while but my huns and soon came to realise it was affecting us all and said I could ask questions when he wasn’t there  

unfortunately I didn’t ask the big question of how long till it was too late and my husband passed away that very week. He never knew I asked or knew but I was able to be so strong by his side, his in-laws also had no idea as refused to talk about it also. Please speak to McMillan they are amazing, or if you’d like you can message me on here. It’s so hard as you will feel selfish but your not. Cancer effects the whole family just in different ways xxx

hi [@Fran4rr]‍