I’m in the exact same boat as you, my partner is also female, I’ve never had sex with a male and I have not yet after 3 attempts been able to have a screening. I have an appointment at the hospital in 3 weeks time and they have given me a sedative  to take. The lady then said they also have gas and air and it all fails with these then it came be done under general. I’m hoping it won’t come to that and all will be fine but if not then I’m willing to go ahead with it as it’s been bothering me for years now. 

Thank you for your message - it is reassuring to hear that I'm not the only person dealing with this issue. Please do let me know how your appointment at the hospital goes. Mine is actually in 2 weeks so I'll let you know the outcome. It all seems rather tedious for what is meant to be a 'simple' procedure.

I'm also starting fertility treatment soon and am feeling much more anxious about it since my failed cervical screening attempts. It has made me feel doubtful of my capabilites of being able to carry a child and give birth...if the doctors can't even find my cervix, how can anything else even be possible?!

I'm not sure if I would want to endure a general for my cervical screening. Hopefully it won't come to that for me either...it would just be helpful if healthcare professionals were a little more reassuring instead of treating me like I'm the only woman in the world who this has happened to.

I hope your hospital appointment goes well - good luck!

Thank you so much for your reply.

I have successfully managed to book a private appointment a clinic, who have agreed to do it under local aneastatic. 

Please can you let me know how the procedure works? Will I be able to feel any pain?

I feel like a failure. 

Thanks 

The reason they can't find your cervix is that the GP offices are ill equipped to do those exams.  In the U.S. you are elevated and tilted in such a manner that the trained gynecologist has a clear shot to see your cervix.  The stories on these threads underscore how women are being shortchanged in the UK when it comes to gynecological health.  I have had multiple fertility treatments and tests completed and they were handled very well elsewhere, not by a GP. Please demand a specialist. 

You are not a failure.  The way screenings are set up in a GP are ridiculous.  Every women should have the right to visit a gynecological clinic for screenings so that they are done without pain and humiliation.  

I’d be really interested to know how you managed to get this done 

when you say local do you mean you were awake or was it general anaesthetic? 

Thank you all for posting . I felt so pathetic at my test yesterday and in pain afterwards which I had not experienced as badly as this . Is it age ? I am 61 . It hurts when I pee . I had never bled before and had never felt as sore or so much discomfort. Can only hope I don't get recalled or if I do the nurse is more proficient I don't think she used enough lubricant . Any advice for next time ? Why do women have to suffer so much if it was men they would have invented a better method . From Relieved but sore

I am not a virgin.  I have had sex with my husband for over 30 years but I also have had the same problem having a smear.  The last 2 times I have had smears I have had to go through at least 5 attempts before a smear was taken and each time a different nurse was called for the final attempt.  I am due to go again and I am dreading go through it all over again. I personally put it down to inexperienced nurses doing the smears.   The last time I went I was told to tell future nurses doing smears to point to 2 o'clock to find the cervix as it apparently moves through the month.  I am also working myself into a state before I go on Monday.

Hope your test went well.

I really sympathise with you and all the personal stories I've read on this thread so far.

What we all have to go through and are made to feel because we can't have a straight forward smear test that is made out to be so easy on the posters and on the letter when we get that Invite.

You learn something new everyday, I will have to mention that when I pluck the courage up to go again.

I agree about the nurses and if they cannot do the test then everyone should be referred to a better equipped place rather than just be rebooked.

I went for my smear and before any attempt was made I explained how much of a problem having a smear has been for me.  She told me to get on the bed, cough and place my clenched fists under my buttocks, and I actually had no problem having a smear this time.  Good luck to anyone who is having a problem having a smear, with trying the position the nurse put me in, as it worked for me it may not work for everyone.

Oh I'm so pleased to hear you got it done this time. Must be such a relief.

It's half the battle if the nurse listens.

Have tried that but was told I must be too tense when didn't work. I will definitely go to another clinic when they can get me in.

Hi Everyone, so pleased to have found this post.

I had my first attempted smear test today, I'm 28 and have been putting it off for years due to unsuccessful attempts of intercourse. 

I thought I would go and have the smear and a chat regarding my problems. The nurse was lovely, I explained that I tense up so bad that I think I'm stopping anything from being inserted. So she said we would give it a go today and go from there. 

She inserted the smallest device but as she tried to insert it further the pain was that unbearable she stopped the test. She explained that I was tensing so bad that was causing the problem.

I was so upset, I asked if I could be prescribed some muscle relaxation etc but she said I would need to speak to a gp. She also told me that this does happen to other women and not to worry but this has been ruling my life for so long now I just want it to be sorted. She mentioned counselling aswell, which I don't think will help me at all.

I've requested a call from a female gp to discuss my problems further. 

I'd rather just be sedated if I'm honest and go from there. :(

Hope everyone is well, and their smears are successful x

Hi Everyone, so pleased to have found this post.

I had my first attempted smear test today, I'm 28 and have been putting it off for years due to unsuccessful attempts of intercourse. 

I thought I would go and have the smear and a chat regarding my problems. The nurse was lovely, I explained that I tense up so bad that I think I'm stopping anything from being inserted. So she said we would give it a go today and go from there. 

She inserted the smallest device but as she tried to insert it further the pain was that unbearable she stopped the test. She explained that I was tensing so bad that was causing the problem.

I was so upset, I asked if I could be prescribed some muscle relaxation etc but she said I would need to speak to a gp. She also told me that this does happen to other women and not to worry but this has been ruling my life for so long now I just want it to be sorted. She mentioned counselling aswell, which I don't think will help me at all.

I've requested a call from a female gp to discuss my problems further. 

I'd rather just be sedated if I'm honest and go from there. :(

Hope everyone is well, and their smears are successful x

Your story sounds so similar to mine! I am 26 and have put off my smear for the last year as I have never been able to successfully have penetrative intercourse (I am pretty confident due to vaginismus). My first smear attempt a few months ago didn't work (even with the virgin speculum), so the nurse got the doctor to prescribe me diazepam and I went back last week for my second attempt, but the diazepam made no difference- I felt a bit woozy but I was still extremely tense, to the point where I even struggled to open my legs wide enough. I asked to be referred to have it done under general anaesthetic and the nurse said she would talk to the doctor but suggested I might need to go for counselling first. I have discussed psychosexual counselling re the vaginismus with the doctor before and I am willing to try it, but have never been in the right place to commit/ sort it out. The waiting times for the counselling are also extremely long and I don't want to delay the smear that long, so I am going to push for a gynaecology referral as well as the counselling. 

I don't think the lying flat position helps, I had a vaginal examination a few years ago for something unrelated using stirrups, and inserting a speculum was fine. So perhaps gynaecology will be able to offer that, or if not then yes I would also just rather be sedated! Hopefully the waiting list for gynaecology isnt too long. 

Wow, yes we do have very similar stories. I find it a relief to know I'm not the only one, but do sympathise with you as I know how tough it is. 

Since I written my last post, I've spoken to a female gp. She was very pleased I attempted the smear test, she said usually she would invite me in for a second attempt but she feels that because I've suffered so long that she would just like to refer me to gynecology. That was a few days ago so she said it would be a few weeks before I get a date. To be honest, the thought of going to gynecology is giving me anxiety and this is were it all stems from. I get really tense ans uncomfortable, the more someone tells me to relax the more I tense, it's a constant battle. It's really embarrassing, I grew up telling everybody I had done the deed and had intercourse as I felt like a bit of a freak not being able too and knoiwng nobody else who suffered with this condition. I am pretty sure that the more I read up on it, I really do believe it's vaginismus.

Please let me know any updates on your end. 

X

Hi, I've been reading through the forum and can relate to some of these posts... especially yours regarding the Virgin speculum. 

I had my first Smear today. I was so nervous... it ended up being very unsuccessful and extremely painful even with the Virgin speculum which I had to ask the Nurse to use even though it was on my notes. I'm 30 and have never felt particularly comfortable with the idea of anything being inserted (I have trauma with men even though I'm not interested in them) so have been putting the Smear off. I'm also very low risk fortunately since I've never felt the need to be with anyone. 

I've been giving myself a pep talk since I made my appointment last week. They caught me off guard with a phone call so I decided to make the appointment. 

The Nurse was so kind and supportive. I can't fault her, she was great. The pain though...I thought I was relaxed until the pain hit. She tried 3 times but had to stop because my muscles were too tight (possibly Vaginismus). She said she didn't want to cause me further trauma and damage inside. 

I'm not even humiliated, I'm just frustrated and upset at myself. The Nurse could see that I was beating myself up over it and said that "Our minds are our own worst enemy". She recommended that I speak to a doctor about it but said it's great that I even attempted it.

I just want up be knocked out, then wake up and it all be over. It's just so frustrating. 

I hope everyone here (including myself) manages to have the Smear as painlessly and as trauma-free as possible.

Sending love to everyone here

Hi, I feel I have a similar story to you and Coraline. It's my first time on this site and I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one who feels this way, but sorry we all have to go through it! 
I have been diagnosed with Vaginismus, and haven't had a successful smear. I put off my first one for ages as I was anxious, because I hadn't successfully had intercourse (still haven't) or even used tampons. The nurse said 'don't worry, I've never not managed it before' and then she didn't manage it, which made me feel like the only one who failed the smear. A GP then tried, and then the third time a nurse acted like I was paranoid and it 'can't hurt', which made me feel awful. 
I have had initial counselling but that hasn't helped. I also had an external examination by a doctor who said my 'vaginal opening was quite small' which has made me more anxious. 
BUT what has helped us physio - a lovely doctor has been seeing me every couple of months and has helped me to get to the point of being able to tolerate the smallest size vaginal dilator, which I never thought I could do. Unfortunately she's off for an operation and she was almost going to refer me to the Women's Unit at the hospital for a smear - but as I haven't had an appointment for a few months I've booked a smear at my GP for tomorrow to see if I can do it (I've written down everything I want to tell the nurse before she does it, so she's aware of my experiences so far). Not at all confident though as I've tried inserting a child's size speculum and can't do it :( but I also feel sick with anxiety when thinking about cervical cancer so I want to try and do it - if it's not successful then I'll see what they say my options are. 

Have you made any progress? 
 

Thanks to everyone on here for helping us to not feel alone x