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Guilty about mother in law

clerythecleric
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Hello, I'm 28 and I do not have cancer... My mother in law was diagnosed with cancer, I don't even know how long ago. seems like forever now. About 8 months ago she was given 6 months to live. For that month my mother-in law was bed-ridden. Would hardly eat, very depressed, didn't go out. It was very upsetting for everyone involved. I then started to source in some Rick Sampson oil (canabis oil) or RSO and I don't care what the doctors say. I don't care if there are no 'scientific tests'. I saw with my own eyes the change in her. She was eating again, she was sleeping, she was smiling. Nobody would even know she had cancer. 

I went through a tough period where I could not source the RSO. She went without for about 2 weeks and during that time her skin went yellow, her face swelled up and a few days ago she died. I know the sorts of responses I'm going to get. But I just can't help but feel horrible, not just because I couldn't get the oil but for the hope it gave. Everyone (myself included) was so sure that she was going to get better. She seemed to be doing great! Then as soon as I stopped sourcing the oil she was gone. I just wish I could go back in time and do more, try more. Get more in advance instead of ordering it when she ran out. I suppose i'm realy just here to say... Cancer sucks. I mean it REALLY sucks! There is no god... how can there be?

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    Please dont feel guilty xx 

    I don't think anyone here will give you a hard time over giving your MIL cannabis oil......it is what it is......this isn't the place for any moral or legal arguments (although I appreciate the moderators and nurses may well have something to say, but from a caring place and their duty to inform you of certain things) xx 

    Please....you dont need to have any feelings of guilt........you did what you could at that time to help xx I know you say when your MIL stopped the oil, she died very soon after.......but I fear that you may be taking too much responsibility for her very sad passing. 

    Your MIL did not die because you did not give her cannabis oil.......she unfortunately died because of cancer that you had absolutely no control over xx 

    If you had got your MIL more oil....it may have been that she would have deteriorated anyway because she had reached the end of her journey xx 

    I completely agree with you....this cancer business really does suck. 

    please.....you need to be extra kind, compassionate and loving to yourself right now....after everything youve been through, the last thing you need is you being unkind to yourself (for eg...blaming yourself). 

    NONE of this was your fault xxx 

     

  • Hi clerythecleric,

    I’m sorry to read about your mother in law.

    I just wanted to make sure you aware of the latest UK rules and regulations about cannabis oil. There is also a helpful article on the Cancer Research UK main website about the use of cannabinoids and its relation to cancer.

    It's not for us to comment on the legal status of cannabis, but we’re supportive of properly conducted scientific research that could benefit patients with cancer. We understand everyone has individual cases and experiences, but we stress the importance of a scientific evidence base for any treatments, and building any advice around the latest research and guidelines.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

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