Hi Kristin 

Thankyou I'm also a woman of faith which is helping me to cope a little better the support of family and friends does help as you say it's when you walk back through the  door and suddenly your alone No one to say hello love how's your day gone are give you a hug when you need one .

God bless and peace be with you .

Hello Tutsie

On the 23rd December last year when your hsband died, my wife was fighting brain cancer which had spread from her lung. She was loosing her memory and became confused. I used to bring up her meals and medicine and sat at her bedside trying to comfort her. But it was so far gone that sometimes she would sit at the edge of the bed looking confused, steering at me, saying nothing, as though she did'nt know who I was, or did'nt trust me. It was horrendous, frightening and painfull to see her in that state, and it's then I knew she was going to die. She eventually did die on the 18th of March this year, just over two months after your husband, also in the hospice where I slept at her side for seven nights. She died in my arms and my whole world fell apart. I feel lost and empty. I feel like there's nothing left in life for me anymore, as we lived for each other. We were married for 49 years, just missing our Golden. I have a daughter, son and three lovely grand children who keep me occupied and give me a certain degree of happiness. But this will never be able to compensate for the loss of my beloved wife.

I know exactly how you are feeling. It's a lonely world and no one will be able to feel what you are feeling until it actually happens to them. The only comfort I can suggest for you is that you try to keep your mind as occupied as possible, cherish the comfort and sympathies of your family and close friends and  hope it will get easier and easier. But even in the presence of your close ones, you'll find that the underlying pain is so overwhelming, that it surfaces itself from the depths, to strike you with merciless force, as it does with me. Hopefully it woul'nt be so harsh with you.

I wish you all the peace and comfort  you can find in these cruel and difficult times, and if you think you would find comfort and hope in talking to others like myself, I'm always here for you. You take care my dear. We did'nt deserve this. Raymond x.

Sorry to hear the of your sad news. My husband has cancer and their no more treatment. Just to keep him comfortable. He's only 59 and we have  been married for 35 years and not been a part all that time. I really do not know how I'm going to cope  when it happens . He has had a stent fitted last week to help him eat  but seems to be worse  now and he's in a lot of pain. It makes me cry .I wish I could take it away  from him. Sending all my love and thoughts with you and your family .Take  care xx

This post has just popped up. 

I cant believe i was writing to you 16th March saying I felt heartbroken for my mum and what is to come. 

My dad went to sleep 22nd March and I went in to labour 2 weeks later, the day after we buried him. 

Our hearts are broken and although we have a very special baby I am so devastated he didn’t meet his first grandchild. 

My mum puts on a brave face, but as you say the empty house and lonely evenings are something she struggles so much with as much as we are there for her. 

We pulled our wedding forward to September for dad and now I face it alone in 6 weeks. 

Life has been so so cruel to all of us hasn’t it x

Hi, so sorry to hear about your dad. My wife died three days after your dad after 49 years of happy marriage. Although my loss may be of a different nature to yours, they both have one thing in common which is sadness and grief. But your Mom will be sufflering grief through the loss of her dear husband, same as me towards my wife. It will be a long journey for your mom during which she will need you more than ever, same as I feel I need my daughter to be near so we can comfort each other and grieve together. A day would not pass when she would not ring me and check to see if I’m alright. But she’s got her three children and her husband to comfort and care for and I want her to live her life first and care about me less, as I feel I’ve had my life. Your mom will feel the same way. They say that time heals, but as one widow put it, it does not heal, we just learn to adjust, which is what I’ve learnt myself

It’s sad that your dad did not see his first grandchild. I was lucky in that sense, but I’m sure it will be the best therapy for your mom right now. Although the closeness and care I get from my daughter helps ease the pain of my loss, it will never compensate for the loss of my wife after 49 years together, and that also goes for your mom. Life is cruel yes, and we sometimes ask ourselves, what have I done to deserve this. I wish you peace my dear. Take care, Raymond x

Hi, and thanks for your email. I had to change my email address and password, because I forgot my original password and there was no option to change it. I also had to change my user name from Raymond to Savner.

Aafter 49 years of happy marriage, having lost my wife only 7 months ago, I've reached a stage where I feel it would never get better, and that I can only adjust to this new life. Just remembering the pain and suffering she went through as the cancer spread from her lung to her brain, when she started loosing her memory, as I tried to comfort her and to tell her how much I love her, and she in a weak voice, tried to return her love to me, at which stage she knew she was going to die, all this prompts me to feel, oh no, I want out, Right now, the only thing that stops me going for the choice of eternal relief from this pain is my children and grand children. It's the memories, good and bad ones that hurt. 

I'm so sorry for you as I'm sorry for myself. Diversion of the mind while you are with family and friends helps, a state of suspended grief, but the underlying pain is so overwhelming, it surfaces itself from the depths to strike you with merciless force, even during states of laughter.

If you ever feel it would help to speak to someone in the same situation, please do not hesitate to write to me. There's still room in my heart to show compassion to others in my situation. Bye for now. Raymond xx