I’m so sorry to hear this, it breaks my heart to read these posts and especially to know that my mum will be in your situation once my dad has passed, they are both in their late 50’s and he is fighting right now.

As a daughter expecting their first grandchild all I can say is that I will need my mum more than anything emotionally and for future children, be strong, be a family and get through this together. 

Sending all my love x

Thankyou for your reply sunshine 1987 please tell your mum she will be in my prayers ,I  am close to our son's but daughter's do think differently to boys ,I  know they are there for me ,but they  all have demanding jobs children with hobbies school it's just life i guess I'm quite independent and don't like bothering people ,I'm in tears writing this my heart goes out to you and your family ,it's hard to be strong everyone thinks I'm doing amazing while inside I'm so sad and lonely but I have to deal with the life I am left with .

Thankyou  x 

hello there.

i lost my dad a year ago yesterday and it wasn’t due to cancer though he had serious health issues and was in lots of pain. I was looking at this site for reference re myself and came across your post so thought I’d respond. Hope you don’t mind?

im 48 and have been disabled for about 12 years now.

I have also a child with a disability. When I lost my dad it was a feeling like my world had ended. Yesterday I seemed to cope fine until my carer had left and my partner took my son for a haircut. I searched frantically for my dads personal things but cudnt remember where I’d put them. Finally there they were and I broke down. I ended up falling asleep with my face in his cap so I cud smell him. I will always see him as being his little girl. A few years ago my family made me choose between him and them and I chose him. 

May son and partner are my absolute world and I kno my son cudnt go on without me so he keeps me going! Always remember you are valued far more than you realise and if you ever need to chat please feel free to ask me for details. I’m awaiting an appointment to see a specialist about a new health condition I now have and I found this site very helpful. Thanks to people like yourself.

thinking of you.

So sad for you. Your mum will have the joy of your child to look forward to and that will help her immensely. It’s a very sad time for you all and you will all be in my thoughts.

very best wishes and please let us know how the birth goes?!

Please let them kno... they would be heartbroken! X

They have also lost there father so I don't want to upset them .l will think it over thankyou. 

Hello Tutsiewutsie; it  is still early days - your husband died less than three months ago so don't expect too much of yourself.  You are back at work which though this must have been difficult has probably been good for you.  I went back to work within two weeks of my dad dying and I was glad I had as the routine kept me busy and though there was a hole in my life I know my dad too would have done the same - he was very conscientous about meeting his obligations.    I know children can be a bit careless about looking out for you but I bet they all love you lots and would do anything if you asked it of them.  I read somewhere that "we cannot expect to be in calm waters all of our lives" and although we know this logically it would help to have some help with dealing with the cyclone when it hits!  Do you get called in to babysit your grandchildren?  This tends to be one of the things that sometimes knits families together but I am sure you already know that you are wanted and loved.  Best wishes.  Annie

PS Is Tutsiewutsie a pet name by which you were/are known?

Yes I do get asked to babysit and sometimes the grandchildren will ask to sleep .Yes it's a pet name .I  have x2 sister in law who I see sometimes and call me l am fortunate I just have to deal with my new life without my soul mate .

Hi Tutsiewutsie,

I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your husband of 45 years and offer my sincere condolences. I know that it is not easy to cope in a situation like this. You sound as if you are being very positive and I commend you for that.

You are quite right when you say that it is now your turn to make your husband proud of how you cope and, I’m sure that he is already bursting with pride. It cannot be easy to go out to work now, but I hope that you are enjoying it. Your family and grandchildren have also lost a very important part of their life and although they may not know it yet, need you as well as want you to remain an important pillar in their lives.

It is never easy waking up alone or going home to an empty house. With time you will build up a new life and find new friends to help ease this loneliness. You will always hold your husband in your heart. However, I am sure that he would want you to make the most of the life you have now and wouldn’t want you to put your life on hold in his memory.

We mostly think of Christmas as a happy time, but for some it can be a very lonely and sad time. We spent it with my father-in-law last December. He had lost his wife of 80 years just 3 months previously. He found it one of the hardest times in his entire life. Sadly, he went into hospital for assessment at the end of January and was diagnosed with cancer the day he arrived. Six days later he was dead. We are still reeling at the speed with which it all happened.

I am glad to hear that your family are still calling on you and, that your grandchildren want to stay over at times. One thing you can always rely on with children, is for them to be perfectly natural regardless of the situation. I feel sure that they must raise your spirits at times.

I am thinking of you and hope that with time, your heartache and sadness will ease.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Tutsie, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so, so painful. I am also recently widowed. My husband died only a few weeks following his 54th birthday in May of 2018. We would have celebrated 33 years of marriage this past December. Like you, my heart is breaking and I hate waking up alone. I dread the nighttime and I dread the Dawn as well because I am without him. 

Just wanted to say hello and to let you know I understand this unspeakable grief. Losing a husband hurts so much. Not only do we lose them, but we lose everything we had planned and hoped for the future together — it all dies along with them and it’s so hard.  I am a woman of faith and it is God and friends and family also that is carrying me through this time of immense pain and loss. I pray you will be comforted and surrounded by family and friends who can love and care for you. 

God bless. 

— Kristin