Hello Everyone,
I'm not sure how to start this since I've never done anything like this before but I'll give it my best shot. I was hoping writing what I felt anonymously to people that have probably been through something similar would help me feel a little better, just knowing that I might not be alone.
I lost my dad and then my mum within 3 years from my mid-20s onwards. They both died from cancer and I was their main carer for both of them at their last stages. My dad passed away first - which was a complete shock considering the abuse he did to his body, we all thought he was invincible. Shortly after my mum was diagnosed with cancer and within a couple of months, she too passed away. I've always been extremely close to mum, so that one hit the hardest. I miss her every single minute of every day and I can't seem to find anything to help me feel less depressed than I do now.
Her diagnosis came as a huge shock because the Hospital failed to pick up on it at the time and now I learnt that there's been a mistake in her case and there will be an investigation. Anyway, I really don't want to get into that. All I know now is that she's gone and she's never coming back. I feel so angry at the Hospital, doctors, nurses etc. I'm in such a state of shock that I question whether this is my life whenever I wake up. What also makes it difficult is knowing how amazing she was, everyone who met her, loved her. All her friends and family had nothing but nice things to say about her, she would always put others before her and welcomed any stranger with open arms into our home. I've often been told that good people tend to die ahead of their time but I think I'm just told that to help me feel better.
Throughout the time I had with my mum - from her diagnosis to her passing - seemed like such a blur. There were so many issues and difficulties we went through as a family that got in the way of cherishing the time we had left together. My family and I never really not any closure from both our parents passing and it just seems like we're all lost at this moment in time. Since she passed, we've had nothing but bad things happen, one after another. I feel like we can't seem to catch a break or either that we're cursed.
Sorry to end on such a downer, I guess that's how I'm feeling right now, to say the least. I can't help wondering now whether me or one of my siblings will get cancer at some stage since both my parents had it? I'm really trying to stay positive but I'm struggling so much. I just hope something turns right our way and soon.
