Hello Jasmine , 

mum also new to this . I’m terrible at writing feelings but all I wanted to say is , I’m so sorry about your mum and dad , life is sometimes so tough . All I know is it’s good to talk . Also reiki is a good healer . I have tried anti depressants, etc when I was going through a tough time and stumbled upon reiki . Maybe have a look into it and see if it’s something that you think may help . I went on to study it and am now a reiki master . I really wish you all the best Jasmine xxx 

Iwalker67,

Thank you for your kind words. I haven’t used antidepressants yet, my siblings that have been taking it for a while haven’t really seen much of an impact which makes me hesitant to go down that route. 

I will definitely look into reiki. Thanks for the advice.

Hi Annieliz,

First of all, I really appreciate your response. I didn’t think anyone would reply to my post but I’m blown away by yours. 

I also did some research on one of many sleepless nights I have and sometimes I wish I didn’t. It is true, there is some confusing research on inherited faulty genes so I try not to read too much into it.

When I visited my GP, she did say there is more of a likelihood of cancer being a part of my family. When I first heard that, it made me want to live life to the fullest (as cliche as it sounds). But as you may know it is harder to put into action - most of the time I just want to curl up in bed and stare at the ceiling. 

My GP also told me about counselling in my local area which I have signed up to. They told me there is a very long waiting list so I guess I might just take you up on your advice in the meantime. 

Most of the time I worry about the state of the NHS, if this could so easily happen to my mum, maybe it could happen again and again where people wouldn’t even know if it’s happened to them.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to inform me of this source of help.

JW

I am glad to have been of some help.  I know it is human nature to find yourself trying to make a link between such worrying events; sadly cancer is not uncommon - many of us have relations that have been through this but  if you have seen the website entry on  this subject here you will understand as much as I do!    I hope your GP did not make such a bald statement without clarifying exactly what the likelihood really is - that would be irresponsible and I can imagine it worried you.  Cruse Bereavement Counselling does seem to vary from area to area and I believe that like so many charities they are struggling with their finances - so do hang on in there.  I can imagine that it is hard to accept what happened to your mum; but please try not to dwell on it so much; your mum may have had the same outcome even if her diagnosis was made earlier.  I have often thought how mistakes can happen in all fields of work especially when long hours are being worked; I know I have made errors over the years and it used to worry me that medical staff could also be fallible - but there was not much I could do about it except hope for the best.    Even though my parents both died some time ago I still "talk" to them which is harmless and bothers no-one.  I have articles from their home which I took with me (bits and pieces including their wedding photo) which keeps them very alive in my mind.  Don't be afraid to talk to your mum if you find it helpful.  You will find your way through this.  Annie

Hey,
I know this post is from years ago but I really just want you to know you aren't alone, I know it sounds stupid because you've probably gotten many replies to your post but in truth you helped me realise I'm not the only person struggling with this. I'm 14, 15 in august and my dad has lung cancer in the very late not so great stages. My mum just got diagnosed with breast cancer that also won't let her live long. I mean god really must have something against me at this point. I just can't believe the two people in my life who are meant to be here to see my grow up, graduate, have kids etc aren't going to be here for that and I guess it's ok because things happen I just don't understand why they had to happen to my parents or anyones in all fairness. I'm so scared like so so *** scared. I'm an only child so I guess I really will be alone through it. 
People joke about these things and I guess I never thought it would never be me who had to go through it but now it is and everything's too much. I'm just glad I'm not the only one struggling :) jasmine i know it's weird to hear a teenager tell you it'll be ok but I promise you they will be. 

thank you (sorry if it's too long I just have never done one of these before) 

All my love, 

laura 

Honestly, same.

My mums been diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer and she doesn't have a long time to live. I'm the oldest of 7 siblings and the youngest is 2 and I may not be an only child but I haven't spoken to anyone about my mums cancer and I've been going through it all alone. I've lost all my friends cause I can't open up to them about why I'm being so distant. My dad is present but he's not much of a paternal type and now I'm afraid that if my mum passes away, I'll have to be the caregiver and look after my siblings. It's hard to express my feelings and I've gone through so much. Now I'll be doing my GCSEs as I'm in year 11 but it's hard juggling exams, taking care of your mum, being a role model for your siblings and worrying about every other situation. 
What has kept me going is I hope that God made this situation for me so horrible for me and my family to do better later on. I still can't get over the fact my mum might die soon but I don't try to cry or be sad in front of her cause that's the worst thing anyone can do to someone with cancer.

Right now, I hope my mum beats the odds and lives long enough to see her children get married and let her be a grandparent, to live old enough to whine about her back hurting. 

Please could anyone who reads this pray for my mum to live for a very long time!!!
 

Hey again, 

Im extremely sorry about your situation, I know how hard it is to open up to people about things like this and to be honest none of my friends know either. I hope with everything in me that your mum will see this through, like you said everythinf bad that happens must be happening because something good will come from it. I also wish you the best of luck in your GCSEs, your mum must be very proud of how you're doing and I'm very sure you're siblings are always there for you. I understand completely how you feel about being the caregiver and going through something like this, cancer sucks a**. Just remember that things do pass and everything that is piling up now will hopefully dissipate and your mum will push through this, I know she is strong enough. I pray for her recovery even if I'm not very religious. 
I know you don't know me but I'm always here to talk regardless of anything. 
All my love, 

laura 

Hi Laura and user.78900,

We humans have a tendency to look for patterns and cause and effect especially when trying to make sense of random events which have disastrous consequences. 

Here are some interesting statistics I've picked up along the way of my own cancer journey (which started when my Mum died before you guys were born and continues as I live my life having survived a stage 4 cancer diagnosis.

1) 1 in 2 of people in the UK will develop cancer during their lifetimes (so it isn't as rare as most people imagine)

2) 40% of cancers are preventable this means that 60% of cases are unavoidable - cancer prevention is aimed at reducing the 40% of cases that could have been prevented (so let's not waste time looking for possible causes in people who neither drank nor smoked)

3) if someone's parents and other family members drink and/or smoke or become obese, this is seen as normal by their children who copy them and also put themselves at risk of developing preventable diseases caused by these activities including cancer (this often results in the mistaken belief that cancer runs in families - rarely people do have genetic disorders but far more commonly it is the undelying smoking/drinking/obesity which runs in the family

4) just like winning the lottery, developing cancer is a random occurence (so bad people have the same  chance of winning the lottery and good people have the same chance as developing cancer as everyone  else)

Some of these statements will seem obvious but we often try to ignore things which are obvious.

My only advice is to safely live life to the full, don't waste nervous energy on worrying about cancer running in families, don't smoke, drink only in moderation and don't wait until next year before doing something amazing! 

All the best

Dave