Hi BevAtt,

I am so sorry to hear about your experience so far. The fact that all  of your cancers are primary is good news, as it means that they have not spread, something which cancer is prone to do. It is bad enough to have just one person in the family afflicted with cancer, but doubly sad when both of you have it. I am so glad to hear that you have now been given the all clear.

I lost my 94 year old mother-in-law 4 months ago. My 98 year old-father-in-law has also just pased away, 4 months to the day after his wife of 80 years died. He went into hospital on the Wednesday, was diagnosed with cancer that afternoon. He had a CT scan on the Thursday, was moved to a hospice on the Tuesday and died at 3.20am the following morning. All of our family are reeling by the speed that this has happened.

I can understand your anger and inability to move on without your husband, but I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to be in this position. What family do you have and, are they or any friends, a support to you?

Would you consider attending Cruise, which is for berieved people, or even seeing a counsellor to talk to about your feelings? There are a number of self-help groups throughout the country. Your cancer team should be able to direct you to them.

Are you working or not? Sometimes helping out with one of the many charities can help you to feel better in yourself.

Do please let us know what you decide to do. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Wow....I just think you are an amazing person. You are so strong....xx 

It’s so pleasing to read you have the all clear but I’m so sorry for cancer stealing so much from you. It’s so unfair. 

This is such an excellent place to come to if you’re in need of support. There are some lovely people and staff on this forum...I’m really hoping you’ll hang around and see for yourself xx 

Sadly....many people here have been on the same journey as you but you may feel better to be around people in the know xx 

And.....WELL DONE for running the London Marathon!! How did you find that? I’ve only ever managed a 10K a few years ago (....now I’m a bit older/tubby-er......my running days are long over!) :D xx

Thank you so much for your reply and so sorry for your losses, it`s very hard when it all happens so quickly.

I have four children, nine grandchildren and a wonderful circle of friends!! You wouldn`t think I would get so lonely, but I feel so alone at times. 

You are right, my husband would not want me to be like this.

Thank you so much for your reply.

I have just realised, this is the first time I have written about my experience with this terrible disease and  you know I feel better for doing it.

When you are going through such a awful time you think you are the only one, but joining this forum has given me so much comfort already, the support people are giving is very humbling.

The London Marathon was a wonder experience and loved every minute of it. Not everyones cup of tea I know .....but it`s mine. My running days are probably over and I find this very frustrating but now I walk .....very quickly LOL!!  

Wow BevAtt

My heart goes out to you but look how you are fighting! Your husband would be so proud of you and I am so glad you have a lovely support network of family and friends. I lost my lovely dad in June and my mum feels lonely on certain days despite having her 3 girls and all her grandchildren around. It is so normal, they were together for 62 years. Who wouldn't feel this way? I know my dad would be willing her on. We need our mum, she has been a rock in stressful times. She has passed on from anger now to remembering happy times. Try to do this on your good days and on the bad days,  don't fight it. 

Oh mum has overcome bowel and skin cancer and lives with COPD and osteoporosis too! I can honestly say she is my hero. 

You will find lots of support here and it's ok to have a rant. Sending a virtual hug to you. X

Well I agree with [@Harvell]‍ - your husband would be so proud of you. You’re obviously made of strong stuff - you are inspirational. 

I know what you mean about the feeling of being lonely on a cancer journey. It was my Mum who had cancer and I remember discussing something similar with her (she said that even though she was lucky enough to be surrounded by several friends, a load of family and a good medical team - she still felt isolated. I wish I’d have encouraged her to join a forum like this!) I think the most comforting thing to hear in times of trouble are, “me too” or “I’ve been through the same”. 

I am sure you’ll make some good friends here and will find this place a safe and non-judgemental space where you can come to any time of day or night that you need. 

Oh how frustrating about your running days. Mind....when I used to run, it was always more a jog/fast walk anyway :D it must have felt incredible for you to see the finish line in sight and make your way across it. Well, at least you can say you’ve done it (you have got me thinking now...I may look into some training...would love to say I’ve actually done one! Will have to shift these few LBS hanging around from Christmas still ha ha! - they won’t do my knees any good whatsoever!) 

Take care and hope to speak soon!

S xx 

I am so glad I found this forum starcatone. It and and all you lovely people have brought me so much comfort and I thank you all x x 

Wow get out there and run  x x 

Hi BevAtt,

A cancer diagnosis puts us all in a lonely place. The trouble is that all of your family and friends do not always understand the ins and outs of cancer. You wouldn't think that this could happen with such a lot of lovely family and frieds there to support you, but they're not there when you walk in to an empty house,  or throughout the nights whent you cannot sleep, are in pain, etc.

Do you manage to get out and about still and, do you have any interests that you follow?

Anger is a valid stage of grieving. You will work your way through this eventually.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

it certainly is a lonely place. I have signed up for two dance classes this week which I start tonight and Thursday . A friend has just invited me to her yoga class too, so all this should keep me busy! 

Thank you for your kindness.

Bev