Hello all, 

Firstly I'm struggling with the feeling of being useless and also feel ashamed having read some of the amazing stories of utter courage, but I'm struggling.

My big brother was diagnosed in early June 2018 with grade 4 glioblastoma, docs said it was size of a large orange and guessed he only had a couple of weeks left if untreated. He was lucky and had successful surgery, nearly all the tumour was removed and he has been having tablet chemo ever since (with radio therapy too in the beginning.)

This round of chemo is hitting him much harder ( previously he's coped really well) but I've got this feeling in my gut that it's not just the chemo affecting him now. I can't shake the fear that it's back. He hasn't got a scan till 3rd wk of March, the docs have said any sooner and it might not give reliable results because of the trauma to the brain tissue.

I'm a 39 year old woman and I feel like a child, I'm just so sad. All I keep thinking is just "why?"

These past few months I've not seen my brother as much as maybe I should of, I'm well aware of making the most of time left....but what use am I if I can't even hold a conversation without sobbing.

I'm sorry , I'm not expecting anyone to cast a magic spell on me and sort this out.......I just feel lost and found myself here

Helen