Hello. Sorry for the long post.
Today is DD+2 (diagnosis day +2) for me. I have breast cancer but I'm waiting until Tuesday to find out if the HER2 protein (? ) is present and to find out exactly how the treatment will progress.
I've told my family and that was the worst as, of course, it has upset them. I'm now in bed watching junk feeling physically drained and battered but I assume that's fairly normal at this stage.
I'm appreciative of the medical care I've had so far but a but upset that as soon as the surgeon told me, she launched into what felt to me like another language. She fired off measurements, acronyms, options etc and then asked if I had any questions! Well,no actually I don't - all I can hear is the bit where you said "it's cancer". I know she does this every day, I know she's got a lot of people to see but come on.
The breast nurse gave me a packet of leaflets and a contact number. She wrote down that it's a grade 2 (not a stage 2 as I mistakenly said and I know there's a difference now thanks to Google ) and wrote down that it's actually HER2, not HR as I thought I'd heard and referred me to reputable online sites. I asked if the cancer would come back after treatment and if I'd lose my hair (I know - who can answer those questions - but I panicked ). My family couldn't ask anything as they couldn't actually speak at that point.
I'm not criticising the staff I saw. They are good people, overworked and any job can become fairly routine to you when you do it every day. Normally I'd be researching left, right and centre online but I can't even bring myself to do that now.
I feel like I'm going to have to be on top form on Tuesday and ask tonnes of questions to get the info I need but I'm worried I'm going to be feeling like a wet rag by then. I feel like it's a fight already.
But then again, I'm not exactly thinking straight at the moment either. I just keep looking at my boob (and it was my favourite boob - the one that seemed always to behave itself and look ok). I keep wondering what's happening inside it right now but I don't want to touch it any more. I'm not friends with it any more as it's causing problems, but I can't imagine letting it go either. It's been there a long time.
So, for today, a duvet, watching the rain, and Gordon Ramsey yelling at people is what's going to get me through. Just until the panic subsides a bit anyway.
One day at a time.
