Hi , I'm sorry to hear about this, it sounds really difficult. My husband was diagnosed earlier in the year with extensive colorectal cancer. He's currently on treatment. When he was diagnosed first, he was extremely angry, and started taking it out on me. I was very cross with him, and basically told him that having cancer didn't give him a free pass to being a ****. Yes, it is tough. Its tough on everyone. It's a *** of an illness - we have dealt with clots, chemo side effects, stomach problems, emotional problems. I'm already tired and I haven't been dealing with it the length of time you have. I do know it's hard to know what's going through her head with out her telling you. I also know that sometimes people behave worst with the people they love most. I'd suggest calling her out on it. Let her know her behaviour is not ok. Tell her that you need her to support you, as well as you supporting her. Call the friends who have offered to visit - ask them to come and support you. Look after yourself.

Hello Salvy; I am so sorry for what is happening.  Sadly it is not uncommon and seems to often be part and parcel of this terrible disease.  If you have the time or inclination to read through some of the posts here you will find similar stories from people who have loved and cared for their loved ones.  Cancer seems to have no limit to the evil it causes.   You may find it helpful to give a call to the nurses here (Freefone 0808 800 4040 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) or alternatively or as well speak to MacMillan Cancer Support (Freefone 0808 808 0000 Mon-Fri 9am-8pm) both of whom will be familiar with this scenario and will be able to talk to you knowledgeably.  My best wishes to you.  Annie

Hay there ... Now this is just my take on it ... Now I'm the one with cancer can see both sides of this sad situation ... 

Have you seen those films where someone pushes away the one they love most, because they think in some way it may be easier for them to hate someone and they won't suffer so much ... There is logic to those films ... Though in practice it hurts more ...

You say she said you don't listen ... It sounds to me there's something she needs you to hear but your not understanding the root of it ... Try to stop talking and just listen till she's finished , then stand back and work out what she really need you to hear ...

She is herself getting her head round not being here for too much longer ... And seeing that one person who's been her life look so sad and crying when there's nothing she can do or say to make it better ..

I know you feel like giving up , we all would but you've held on this long , what you do now will stay with you the rest of your life ... If you can hold on for just a little longer ... Stop those feelings of her hating you ... It's cancer she hates ... Maybe just going there and just sitting telling her your going no where ... And sit quietly just being there ... If she trys to push you away, try not to cry and take it personal ... Just remember all those years you had ... No they were not lies , they were real ... You don't live a lie for that long for it not to be real ...

Cancer trys to take away everything from you and it would feel job done to ruin your life too .. that's what it wants us all to do ... You can do this ... You can stick two fingers up to cancer and not let it take away the last journey you have ...

Or you can stay home ... Not go... Don't have her making you feel sad... Stay there and let cancer win your last time left to be at piece with yourself ... No other journey is like this .... It's your choice ... Only you can decide ... But sending you both a big hug ... Your not alone, wer all here when you need us .. Chrissie x

I would like to think in my case that all those years were not a lie. But sometimes it feels like the cancer has turned your loved one into a monster. And they do not seem to realise that the Carer is on this journey as well.  I have heard the same story from friends and colleagues who say they have went through the same anger directed at them as Carers.   The outside world gets all the good stuff and the Carer gets the hell.  It's very hard to keep going on. And then you have to suck it up and hide the tears even though you are scared and terrified about the future on your own if your loved one passes.  You are very much alone. 

Hi there ..

Cancer is the reason why most act angry ... it is not an excuse... my sister has late stage dementure and gone from the matriarch of our family, she now gets angry at us more often then not ...  but when she starts hurting us, we say bye and leave ... if I were you, is at I'm not taking it, and go out .. do something else .. take the kids somewhere, let him know if he gets nasty, he'll have no one to shout at and it won't take long to know being nasty gets him them nowhere .. let them shout / yell and cuss, but you cut it off and stay calm .. the minute you loose it, everyone suffers .. yet say to yourself like we do, it's the dementure / cancer ...  

He's nice to other people because he knows they won't stay around if he's angry ... look after you.. get a brake .. it's harder for you then the one going through it ... please be kind to yourself ..

Sending you a vertual hug...  Chrissie x