hello I'm new

hi I'm new to this site and this type of thing all together but I feel that it might help me to let things out a little to people who understand. my husband is just 48 and in Feb 2017 he was diagnosed with stage two squamous cell carcinoma in his neck primary in throat we were so shocked as he is a non smoker and only enjoys the occasional drink and keeps himself reasonbly fit   ( we have been lead to belive it is more common  in smokers and or heavy drinkers) we  had put his tiredness down to the fact that he worked hard and long hours (if only ) so he( but we say we) started on a journey of surgery  then 8 weeks chemo and radio the radio was terrible it closed his throat and he had a NG nasal feed tube in for 7 month as he could not swallow at all in November we were told it has spread to his lung so more surgery to remove third of  lung then more surgery to open his throat ( which has made some improvement but not great ) only to be told in december that on the scan it has spread to his other lung then he started this new immune treatment but after four months we have now been told that it has had no effect and the tumours have double in size and there are new smaller tumours . so they think because of how agressive it is he has just a few months . he has been amazing never complaining or asking why me he has faced everything head on with amazing strength. but now I feel broken I hold it together for him and the kids but  the times I am alone the tears will not stop so I hope this helps me to just get it out  and read about others  like me and gain some strenght that i will need to face whats to come and sometimes just to have a good moan. my heart goes out to you all who are living with this vile disease

  • Just wanted to say hello. I started a 'introduce yourself ' convo last night.... I am I a totally different boat. Having been diagnosed with leukaemia .

    But unfortunately the word cancer can link many of us.

    Sorry j don't have any info on what your husband is going through....but wanted to reply.... and hopefully be able to talk to others on here... 

    As it is such a scary time for us all .

    Lots of love

  • i think I know all there is to know on the medical side of my husband's condition and I am so sorry about your diagnosis you are right cancer is just a unberlla and underneath there are so many diffrent types.  the thing I struggle with is the emotional rollercoster you find yourselves on David (the hubby) is so good we talk about everything and he has excepted what is happening but I haven't yet and I want to scream why him and lash out ( I don't let him see this or speak to him as i know it wld upsetting but being strong is hard . i hope things go well for you xx please talk to me anytime if you want to talk about you or your illness anthing I will alwsys listen and try an help or cheer you up xx

  • Dear Elkie

    So dreadfully sorry to hear of the agonies you are going through.

    As a cancer sufferer, we are almost passive to the progress and treatment but carers like you have such torment to bear and yet receive the leftover compassion of well-wishers.

    I can see the worry in my wife's eyes and perhaps don't fully appreciate her deep concern as I try to make light of things.

    Your post has really made me consider my role again not just as sufferer but as supporter.

    My love to you and may you have loads of support from friends and family

    David

  • thankyou for your kind words and I send love to you your wife. times like these are the times you need each other I am very lucky to be marrid to a wonderful man and I am sure your wife feels the same..its just that i feel so usless at times because there is nothing I can do to fix him xx

  • You are with him and caring for him Elkie.

    That is everything.

     

  • Yes... rollercoaster is definitely the correct word.

    I have moments I break down, then cry , then calmly read up on things.... sometimes not a good idea....

    But it is hard and will be for your husband AND you.... so you will need support. 

    I feel guilty seeing my mum cry over me. Even though I understand this.... being a mother.

    I am only 36 and admit I feel sorry for myself .... and am in shock.... and I have the rarer Philadelphia chromosome.... which can carry a poorer prognosis.

    It's only just starting..

    . But I'm feel blessed to be able to talk on here

    ... x

  • Just adding my hello.  I have cared for family and friends with cancer and I know I felt anger at times that someone so dear to me was not responding to treatment and - like your husband - had lived a healthy lifestyle and was just too young to have to go through this.  I still feel occasional anger many years after the event.   Let yourself be angry and/or upset; b....y life is so unfair sometimes and there is nothing we can do about it certainly not in the short term.

    Regarding your children, I don't know if you have  seen the MacMillan website about how to explain to children about what is happening but just in case you have not I am attaching the link.  My apologies if you have already looked at this kind of information.  I am sure there is good advice on tthis (CRUK) website also but in the past I got into the habit of referring to MacMillan hence my posting this link.

    www.macmillan.org.uk/.../if-you-dont-get-better.html

    Annie

  • Hello am sorry about your news I have just started my road my partner found out she had cancer a few weeks ago out of the blue one min we were  there for test the next min come to family room she has just had surgery and now we just have to wait to see what next its funny a few weeks ago I cound not no what it would be like to fill how you and many others do but now I no cant work out how to deal with it have to be strong but god I never felt like this angry hurt pain just dont no how to go forwould be stong for your family and yourself 

  • i am so sorry to hear about your partner and I realy hope her journey on this road ends at a good place. i feel like it has been a wirlwind and now he's terminal and I haven't been able to come to terms with the fact he has cancer let alnone I will loose him.. i just hide it all away from the family and stay that pillar of strenght but inside I'm crumbling but that's all I can do he is amazing never moans and it breaks his heart when he sees me crying. so for him I am a rock and in a way it helps me from breaking down and just letting it all out on here is helping. you will find a way we just do x