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Angry Scared and Not Coping

demisam
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Hello Im sorry as I really Dont know where to start, but my brother has a terminal diagnosis and I cant cope. Im strong in front of him but I am a mess inside. I feel useless. I cant even talk about it to anyone as it makes it too real. Now I feel I cant even type it on here. I feel bad for being scared and not being able to make it better for him. 

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    Hello demisam.  Welcome to the forum.  Can you tell us a bit more about your family? How old is your brother and are your parents still around?  What type of cancer does he have and have you been given any more information.  Don't feel bad about not knowing what to do; nobody does when first thrown into this situation.  I understand you feel unable to think straight at the moment so just take your time and tell us what has been happening since your brother became ill.  Everyone on this forum has suffered from cancer, either personally or by caring for family and friends.   So we will understand what you are going through.  I hope you feel able to talk to us about what is happening.  Annie

  • Offline in reply to Annieliz
    Hello ~ My brother is 55. I'm a few years younger. Unfortunately both our parents have died, my Mum just 6 months prior to his diagnosis. Neither died from Cancer. He has Bowel Ca with Mets. He has had 2 major surgeries and has a stoma. He had part of his bladder removed also and has bilateral lung nodules. He has had 3 cycles of chemo. He ran his own business but he has had to close that now, that must of been so difficult for him as he had built it from nothing. He was a keen cyclist (miles and miles a day) but is unable to do that anymore. He had never been ill and not seen a doctor for 35 years until this. He lives with his fiancée and we meet regularly. They are a good couple and she is very supportive. I drive myself mad worrying about what must go through his mind, and I am still so angry that this has happened. I really don't discuss it with anyone. Even typing this is so hard. I just want to be able to take it away. I know I cant. We are a very small family I have a daughter who is also finding it very hard to accept but have no other close relatives. We have always been a very private family.
  • Offline in reply to demisam

    You have done so well, by just taking this step already. Using this forum can and will help you with your family. It is your opportunity to be yourself and not how or what you perceieve others to think of you. Sometimes it just does'nt matter, what others think about us, so 'being you' sometimes will give you strength to be how you need to be for your brother and those around you. You are starting a journey now, it will change  you and you will learn allot, but you will not have any control, life changnig changes. You will be strong because we all areultimately and your brother will be magnificent, because those with a short life left nearly always are.Take care and take heart, each minute increases your understanding and resistance.

  • Offline in reply to demisam

    Hello again demisam.  Thank you for responding with information about your family; it helps to know a bit of background.  How is your brother coping himself - are you able to talk with him about what you are both feeling?  And his fiancee too of course.  Is your brother receiving care at home?  I note you say you are a private family but sometimes it can help to reach out for help.  For instance, I hope you will continue to post here about how your family are coping.  You - and your daughter - might also find it helpful to speak to MacMillan Cancer Support (Freefone 0808 808 0000) - it can really help to get another perspective on what you are experiencing.  The questions that seem unanswerable are the terrible ones - basically why?   There is no answer that could satisfy anyone in your position but it may help you to release your feelings to knowledgeable and experienced people.

    I am attaching some information from this website for family and care givers; I hope it will make sense to you and be of some use.  Best wishes.  Annie

    www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../family-friends-caregivers

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