Hi deanyg, You have had terrible news, even by the standards of this forum. Fear is utterly normal. I don't know how old you are, or whether you have good support from family and close friends. And financial issues may or may not be one of your worries. I'm not religious like Laura, but am personally fairly philosophical about dying, because it happens to all of us. But would I stay so serene if I received bad news following one of my checkups? I don't know. Everyone on this site understands your fear and will be hoping that you have many years before you. Cancer survival is a roll of the dice. My odds, for example, are really good but I could still get really unlucky, and throw the equivalent of three sixes, in the future. And for other people, like you, the roll of the dice could go the other way.  I wish you every strength. xx Harry.