Hi there.
I don't even know how to say what sort of cancer my mother has. It started when she had a hysterectomy and they found a 15cm stromal sarcoma on her uterus. We hoped it was all gone, but the PET scan showed 2 patches. She had 3 rounds of chemo and they shrunk a little, so a surgeon went in to look at whether he could cut them out.
We found out the next day - my mother's birthday - that there's this network of cancerous webbing along her abdominal wall. It's flat, so didn't show on the scan (?) and the two patches are part of it. We don't know if it's the original sarcoma or something else, but there's too much of it to take out. The surgeon said it's slow-growing, but the sarcoma was high grade and grew quickly so I don't know if I believe him.
I live with my mother. She's my best friend. I have a 10-year-old son on the Autism spectrum and I don't have a big network of friends or family close by. I'm the one looking after her. She doesn't want to talk to anyone like a counselor, etc.
I'm so frightened. Not just of losing her, but what life looks like after that. Who will I talk to every day? Who will help me with my son if I'm sick, or at Uni? (I'm studying full time) Where will we live? I couldn't afford the rent here on my own.
So many questions and I feel like the ones giving me the most anxiety, I can't raise with her. All her energy is being spent on just being okay with this outcome herself.
We go back on Wednesday to find out what the biopsy of this webbing says about the cancer and it's behaviour, and then Thursday we speak to her oncologist about what her treatment options are. Maybe I'll feel better if we find out it's slow and won't take her for a while, but honestly, I just want it all to go back to how it was before she had her original surgery. I thought we'd have years and years left. We had so many plans for after I graduated.
We live in a small town, about 5 hours from the largest city. She's there, now, staying with my cousin while she recovers, and I had to come home so my son could go to school. Without her here, it's easy to pretend she's already gone and to feel how lonely and empty life will be.
How has everyone coped with this? How do you get through it?
Thank you for listening.
