Two people, two cancers

hello. Just before Christmas my grandad was diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer (it is also in his liver). We're a very close family and this has really shaken everyone. He seems so well, has no symptoms. He was found to be anaemia in a blood test and it all went from there. I love two hours away and have two small children - I'm currently on maternity leave - but I'm trying to be there for my parents and grandparents as much as I can. 

I sent my best friend a bit of a moany message on Christmas Eve about all of this and some other problems I'm having with my own health. Her husband called me right away to say she was in hospital after having had seizures. We know know she has a grade 4 glioblastoma. She was told two days ago that she probably only has months left and that further treatment may not be possible. I saw her yesterday and...it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've not cried about it, almost can't cry about it but I don't know why. She was in the middle of her second round of ivf. The first nearly killed her last year as the resulting pregnancy was ectopic and she also became hyper stimulated from the treatment. All was going so well this time - they have two embryos. Despite her own fertility struggles she has been nothing but happy for me and even organised my baby showers. I have been so looking forward to doing the same for her, but now... They have no family here and her husband is being so strong for her but it is taking its toll on him. He refuses all offers of practical help, but I'll keep offering. 

I think I just feel torn at the moment. I can't be everything to everyone. My husband is also suffering with depression and I feel so guilty that he is basically bottom of my priority list right now. My older son is so lovely and sensitive and can tell something is wrong. I know no one can help, but it does feel like a bit of a release even to write this. If anyone knows of anything I can do, im all ears

  • Hi I saw your post and I had a similar experience last year..... On the 3rd of August my dad, my rock, my hero, my everything was diagnosed with final stage pancreatic cancer and we were told that he had 6-8 weeks to live. On the 31st of august my partners grandmother was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour. We had purchased our new home on the 31st of may and his grandmother came to live with us. She had moved over from Ireland following the death of her husband to be with her family, we all live within 2 miles of each other. I spent all of my time with my Daddi. We tried mistletoe therapy to try and prolong his life, I was his nurse. Nanny was admitted into a local cottage hospital and I visited as much as I could. I also couldn't cry. I think because I was so focused on my dad that I couldn't process what was going on with nanny. I think maybe this is why you can't cry for your friend. I don't know, I'm no expert that's for sure but I thought maybe my story may help you figure that out. You're not alone but it doesn't get easier I'm afraid, I lost my dad on the 16th of October and then nanny on the 5th of November. I'm still trying to process it all and still struggling with my grief for my dad and at times nanny. Sending you lots of love and strength

  • I'm so sorry for your losses. Thank you for replying.