hello. Just before Christmas my grandad was diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer (it is also in his liver). We're a very close family and this has really shaken everyone. He seems so well, has no symptoms. He was found to be anaemia in a blood test and it all went from there. I love two hours away and have two small children - I'm currently on maternity leave - but I'm trying to be there for my parents and grandparents as much as I can. 

I sent my best friend a bit of a moany message on Christmas Eve about all of this and some other problems I'm having with my own health. Her husband called me right away to say she was in hospital after having had seizures. We know know she has a grade 4 glioblastoma. She was told two days ago that she probably only has months left and that further treatment may not be possible. I saw her yesterday and...it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've not cried about it, almost can't cry about it but I don't know why. She was in the middle of her second round of ivf. The first nearly killed her last year as the resulting pregnancy was ectopic and she also became hyper stimulated from the treatment. All was going so well this time - they have two embryos. Despite her own fertility struggles she has been nothing but happy for me and even organised my baby showers. I have been so looking forward to doing the same for her, but now... They have no family here and her husband is being so strong for her but it is taking its toll on him. He refuses all offers of practical help, but I'll keep offering. 

I think I just feel torn at the moment. I can't be everything to everyone. My husband is also suffering with depression and I feel so guilty that he is basically bottom of my priority list right now. My older son is so lovely and sensitive and can tell something is wrong. I know no one can help, but it does feel like a bit of a release even to write this. If anyone knows of anything I can do, im all ears