Trying not to panic!

Hi, i haven't looked at this site for years so its probably a bit of a cheek to turn to it now but i'm waiting to see the surgeon who operated on me for breast cancer in 2011. i finished all treatment and have been clear since then but following a routine mammogram in January things seem to have changed. I was called back for further mammograms and an ultasound guided biopsy. At this point i think i was still quite calm and confident that nothing was wrong and this was just a precaution. Even after concerrns were expressed during the biopsy i still didn't really worry, feeling certain all was ok and it wouldn't happen again.

Since then my surgeons secretary has tried to call me daily for the last week and a half. I ignored the calls but finally answered,, at this point i wished i hadn't. Every day that she tried to contact me they had made a provisional appointment for me. i'm seeing him next week having said i couldn't make it before then. I could but i think i was in shock/denial.

Last time i had a biopsy, which turned out to be benign i got the news via letter. i didn't have to see anyone. I'm trying really hard to be objective and not let the worry overtake everything but i am starting to feel overwhelmed by the very real possibility that i have cancer again. I haven't eaten  since Thursday night and am feeling very, very sick.

How do you cope with the prospect of going through everything again having left it all behind? i used to work in the NHS so know how things work and friends who i still have working in the hospital feel, like me, that its likely i have breast cancer again given the effort made to contact me. No one is telling me not to worry.

This is probably a bit of a ramble but hopefully someone will understand what i'm trying to ask.

  • Perhaps trying to have a motivation to help you get through this all? Maybe have a bucket list or even an image of someone in your mind that you love? So if I was in your position, I would imagine getting a dog once I have gotten through this cancer x

  • Hi karma, 

    I just wanted to pop on to see if you'd had your appointment yet? How are you feeling? Waiting is so tough, isn't it? 

    We're thinking of you, take care,

    Helen 

  • Hi there, I'm going through the same thing, well maybe the same, you may be ok. I had a mastectomy in oct 14 aged 36. Had radiotherapy and then recon in feb 16. Everything great, back in work etc. felt a lump under my arm (same side), had scan and biopsy, turns out it's cancer. I go in for my op in the morning. I am worried sick inside but outside I'm "all positive" mainly because I have 3 kids aged 3 5 and 7. I need to get tough again like I was the first time around. Hope everything goes ok for you, Leeanne x
  • Hi, i haven't checked in for a few days. Wishing I had as I would have liked to wish you well before your op. I hope it went smoothly and you've had a bit of encouraging news from your team, as far as they can at this point. I don't have kids but I have a partner who was left brain damaged following an RTC in 2002, so I know its not the same but he doesn't cope well with 'bad news' so from that perspective I have to be 'positive' and give the impression of taking it all in my stride and the worry of making sure he's ok while I'm dealing with this. I can't talk to him about it or off load. I don't like to burden my friends, partly because I know they worry but also as you've probably found unless you've been faced with cancer on a very personal level with all the good will in the world people don't always understand the emotional and psychological effects it can have. It was confirmed that my cancer is back this morning. I knew it was but your still shocked when its actually confirmed. I've got a CT and bone scan in the next 10 days, pre op on 15th March and its a mastectomy this time. I got away with a WLE last time. I can't have radiotherapy due to the damage the last lot did and I'll probably be having chemo, which is something I'm already dreading! I'm sure you'll stay strong and fight your way through this. I think mothers tend to have reserves to pull on at times like these. I'm working until I have to stop and I will check in more regularly so if you ever need to ramble or feel a bit wobbly please feel free to keep in touch. I'm 48 and as I said no kids but 2 gorgeous GSD's. I'm not comparing them to your children but they mean the world to me as your children no doubt do to you. Hope to hear from you again and perhaps we can both make this the last time. I think twice is enough!