Hi again, it sounds like he is really struggling, cancer is such an awful disease not only physically but mentally.  I'm trying to think of practical solutions to help you help him through the day.  I understand that it's not the same but my sons are autistic and can't cope with large family groups. There are times when we come together and it does get to much for them.  I have taught them to take themselves away to somewhere quiet within our house to catch their breath, no explanation needed.  We take our cue from them.  Maybe he needs to know its ok to be scared, that he doesn't have to make small talk unless he wants too and if it all gets too much it's ok to escape the family  till he feels ready.  You know  It doesn't mean  he doesn't love them just means he feels overwhelmed and needs some quiet time.  Maybe suggest he talks through his emotional needs with his doctor.  I do hope this helps in a practical sense xx 

My ex husband died tonight just into Christmas day, the Police went to my sons house to tell him, they were lovely and offered to take him to the hospital, the nurse who was with him was wonderful but what do we do now, he was only diagnosed on Thursday.

My 8 year old grandson was going to visit today, what can we tell him, I dont know what to do, my son is absolutely devastated, his dad was at work on Monday and died tonight

Hi 

firstly I am so sorry to hear your ex has passed away, my condolences to you and your family. What a whirlwind for you all to cope with.  My advise would be to take each day as it comes.  You have all had such a shock in terms with his diagnosis to suddenly be faced with his passing.  And your right, what a cruel twist of fate to pass on Christmas Day.  It makes it seem more emotive somehow, though in truth it is a devastating loss whatever the day.  With  regards to your grandson he will be upset at the loss of his grandad but it is also true how resilient children can be, they live in the moment and you will be amazed at how quickly they can bounce back.  be there to support your son, and come to the forum when you need support.  God bless xx

Thank you so much for replying, I am sat here in tears just dont know what to do xxx

Hello tiredmum,

We are so sorry to hear the shocking news that your ex-husband has passed away so shortly after being diagnosed. Our sincere condolences from the Cancer Chat team. We are thinking of you and your family on this very sad day and hope that the forum will give you the support you very much need at the moment. We have some information on our website on Coping with Grief which you can read here and which I hope will be of some help when you feel ready to have a look at it. Things must still be very raw for you and it is normal to feel shocked at the moment.

I hope you will also hear from some of our members' experiences of talking to children as young as your grandson and how they themselves dealt with the situation and explained things to them. You can read more about how to talk to children about these sensitive matters and the kinds of questions you might expect from them here. It includes information specifically for children who are between 8 and 12 years so I hope it will be of some help to you.

Warmest wishes and virtual hugs on what must be such a difficult day for you and your family. We are all there for you anytime you need to talk.

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Lucie

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and thank you for the links I am sure they will help us all.

I think the hardest part of today being Christmas day you feel you cant share bad news with your friends not that they would not want to kow but more we dont want to make them feel sad so right now I feel lonely, trying to make a dinner of sorts, been to work and working again at tea time but thankfully then finished until Tuesday morning.

My son rightly or wrongly has decided to put off telling my grandson so that he can at least enjoy today, on any other day of the year I would not have agreed but today I do support the view that one more day is the right thing to do.

I think we are all in shock here and of course all have different ways of coping/dealing with things which may prove difficult in the coming weeks.

I feel as though we are all in a nightmare and want so much to wake up from it and everything to be back to normal

You're very welcome tiredmum I am glad I could be of some help. It must be really hard with it being Christmas as you say and not wanting to share the sad news yet with your friends. That's why this forum can be useful as you can talk to others here who can really understand how you are feeling at the moment.

I think your son did the right thing so that his little one can enjoy today and play with his presents. At any time of night or day, don't hesitate to come here and talk to others who find themselves in a similar situation at the moment. 

Best wishes,

Lucie

Oh that is so sad.  He must come out of his room.  If not everyone needs to pay him a visit in his room. Christmas is so difficult to some.  Lots of love to him and hope everything turns out okay

Oh darling, I am so sad and sorry for you and your family, such a shock.  Nothing I say at the moment will make it better, but just want you to know that my thoughts are with you,

Hazel xx

Games 

get him involved in family games and music.

remind him that it's not about the food it's about being a family as that's what's important.

if this fails make sure you tell him that he is a massive part of Christmas for the whole family and that everyone loves him.