My lovely husband was diagnosed with oesophagal cancer 3 years ago. After months of chemo they shrank the tumour enough to operate on and they carried The Ivor Lewis procedure in January 2014. It was a very long and scary operation and he was in intensive care for 3 weeks. When he came home he was traumatised and seemed like a different person. He'd always been the life and soul. Eventually we did get back to some normality but eating and drinking remained an ordeal instead of a pleasure. At the beginning of this summer he started to feel unwell and was struggling to swallow some of the time. A CT scan revealed that the cancer had not returned. He continued to feel wretched and eventually had an endoscopy what which revealed a cancerous ulcer where the join of the operation is. It is inoperable and is now being treated with RT in the hope they can kill it or at least give us some time. It is terrifying and lonely watching someone you love struggle so much and not know how long you have. I already miss the person I loved and feel selfish for feeling that. I am blessed with a loving family and friends but can't bear the future without him. I am signed off work at the moment to look after him but can't do this indefinitely. I know there are so many other people in similar and worse situations but it still,feels so dark and lonely x
