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Feeling hopeless

Zelda53
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my husband has recently been diagnosed with kidney cancer ( one kidney) with secondaries in one hip

saw surgeon this week who was quite brutal. Gave us no hope (2 years)  but then said he planned to remove the kidney. Said husband may do better but unlikely, that he was saying it how he saw it.

Cancer not biopsied yet

asked if hip could be replaced to get rid of secondaries but he was dismissive and said would have to speak to orthopaedic surgeon.

any hope out there guys? We will not give in and will fight this thing, but would like to think our team is on our side! 

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    Why didn't you just ask this Dr why he was being so unpleasant. Don't allow him to dismiss you off Hand Tell him your thoughts and whilst he may think it's kinder to be brutal, Ask him how he would be if it was his wife or partner.  I don't understand why we let this type of Dr get away away with type of consultation 

  • Offline in reply to Groany
    To be honest I was in shock! We were told we would get an appointment to see the surgeon to remove the kidney and then be passed to oncology. The initial doctor we saw was very reassuring so we were relieved to see the surgeon to get a date to start treatment. We never expected what happened. Just want to get kidney out now and move on to oncology where they please God will be kinder. I won't allow them to write him off prior to biopsy and treatment. Can't tell you how upset I've been but I need to be strong. Look forward to some positivie support from the other members. Thank you for caring enough to respond
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    Hi Zelda - like you, my husband has just been diagnosed with kidney cancer that has spread.  Luckily the consultant we saw was very kind - unlike your experience.  We're new to this lark so can't offer any informed advice or knowledge, but hang in there and ask to see someone else or a referal to another hospital.

  • Offline in reply to AuntEffie
    Ah thanks Aunt Effie, it's somehow reassuring to know there we are not alone Hopefully we will have the op date confirmed soon. Not going to complain as he is evidently a good surgeon. After depending how I feel I may give him feedback Glad you had a better experience than me and I am going to stay positive, like you Thanks for your kind words x
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    You should consider making a formal complaint about his attitude and ask for a second opinion. Some surgeons seem to develop a God Complex. 

    Best wishes

    Dave

  • Offline in reply to davek

    You are so right Dave, but I feel quite vulnerable. If he is a brilliant surgeon do I want to 'rock the boat'.? That's what counts not my sensibilities. The initial doctor we saw was so much more positive. So unused to a situation like this and trying to be so strong for my husband

    thank you for replying x 

  • Offline in reply to Zelda53

    Part of being a brilliant surgeon is having empathy and respect for, and good communications with, your patients and their families. 

    There are to55ers in every walk of life. He probably thinks he's being direct and honest, which is worryingly delusional! 

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