Hi Tracey, I too am so sorry that you both find yourselves in this situation. Chick I can totally understand what you are going through as Ian & I are in exactly the same situation,  the only difference is we find out today when Ians chemo will start. Which seems like an age since he was diagnosed.

We have told our children everything, ours are 30, 27 & 22 , as it was stage 4 too and inoperable, its actually put their minds at rest as they thought they wouldnt have their Dad for christmas

 I go back to work tomorrow ( well its today now) after having a month off. This month has been a rollercoaster, the whole range of emotions mostly feeling 'ripped off' that our planned future would have to be revised , to anger to heartbreak and everything inbetween.

Everyone on here has been a great support as we are all in this together & our MacMillan nurse is amazing she is so upbeat 

Take Care Much love to you & yours x Lesley x

i thought i had responded so apologies if i did - and i am sad to hear you are sharing the same experiences and i wish you strenght and i would like to hear from you on how the return to work is going - i hope this works for you. We will be telling our children there is no chance of a cure - but not quite yet - as my husband wants to control this aspect - and he deserves to do this i guess.

We have contacted the cancer nurse today to  ask about the start date for chemo today and hopefully she will come back to us- we have the pre-group session on friday - but its been weeks since the oncolholist confirmed we would get an letter confirming. Lets hope Sophie gets back to us. 

i wish you well Lesely and hope to hear from you soon - take care Tracey xxxx

dear Katie - i thought i had responded earlier but may be mistaken - i hope that you are finding strenght and your advice is helpful and I will be making contact with the macmillian nurses- but at present i have to respect my husbands wishes as he wants our children to have a few weeks without the worries we both are facing. I am glad my son has met a girlfriend who is supporting him and my daughter is blessed with support from friends and our family.

i wish you all the best Katie - and your mother and daughter too. 

take care Tracey xxxx

Hi Tracey, Work went okay, the girls I worked with were brilliant , skirting around the subject I did explain to them that it was okay to tallk about it they appeared  quite upset about it all and couldnt understand why now I was so calm. They didn't see me the first couple of weeks when all I could do was cry,

Telling the kids, Tracey you take your lead from Daryl, whatever works best for him will too work good for you. There must be 100's of members of this forum and no doubt there are 100 different ways we all deal with it. The thing is chick we are all in this together, there is no right or wrong way, let Daryl decide. Like my husband Ian I go with what he wants because ultimately we both want what is best for our partners.

Ian's appointment with the oncologist was yesterday, they swapped the time at the last minute so I was unable to go with him due to work, our middle daughter Lucy took him, her mind now too is clearer after seening the Dr. Ian & Ian (the drs name too so confusting lol) jelled from the 1st visit mine being X Navy and Dr being X Army so all they seem to do is rip the widdle out of each other,  and laughed again through this appointment. Ian's chemo will start quite soon as all is good to go and his next clinic appointment is in 3 weeks after his 1st shot at it. We are just like you awaiting a slot. Please let us know when you get your letter the waiting is like no mans land and emotions will rage .

As I said before chick nothing is right or wrong with the way you and Daryl approach this, whatever is good for you both and what works for you has got to be your choices, there is a happy medium on this whole situation, and you will find it (I have to remind myself daily of this) 

Keep in touch chick I'm usually on everyday and always up for a chat, Im day off today but up early as usual, however its our sons (Jacob)  22nd birthday so life has to go on. Much love to You and Yours x Lesley x

Hi Lesley 

I am so glad work went well - and that you were able to say to the girls at work what helps for you- I found the 2 weeks I was in whilst we had the diagnosis that people not asking was hard - but equally the few that did ask was hard as well - I guess I am never pleased!!!

I am going to the GP tomorrow and will be asking for a further sick note to help me support Daryl via the first chemo. We had to hassle a bit today and ask for the nurse to follow up and get a date- but they have just rung and said he starts next Wednesday on the 5th. It all seems very real now- and we are trying to plan and see our daughter Ede age 21 in Newcastle ( last year of university) and will discuss on Friday in the chemo group talk about whether he may be ok to travel the day after chemo. Daryl really wants to see her and see her flat as we did not mange to move her in this year due to not being able to drive up there. It’s really important he sees her- but I am not sure if we should be doing this. As his siblings are coming this weekend we can’t do it now- oh well gives me something to focus on. I hope that you get the details of Ian’s treatment plan soon - please let me know. We had a MRI scan on Daryl's brain today and expect we will get these results in a few days- I think at the group chemo session on Friday they do his bloods and so forth and we also see his consultant. Let’s hope the scan does not show any further spread- it was a difficult one as they were not going to do this - but I asked innocently how do they know where its spread if they have only scanned parts of him - which prompted Dr arranging this ! the cancner has already spread from lungs to bones so i am not sure we want more infomation as the treatment is the same.

i hope that you all enjoy celebrating your son Jacob's birthday and you are right you need to keep going on normally - we are going to see some music tonight with Zak my son and his new girlfriend Becky- so hopefully that goes well.

 i look forwrd to hearing from you soon - take care and stay strong and take care love Tracey x