Hi Gus

I just wanted to give my sincere condolences to you and your family.  This is a very sad time for you all I am sure and certainly no words will be comforting enough.  Everyone is different with the grieving process I just hope in time things might get a little easier, the pain a little less.  Your dad maybe thought he was protecting you by not having too many personal conversations, maybe that was because he loved you so much, even if frustrating for you.  I know what I am about to say is cliche but take one day at a time, remember the good times and know that he is now at peace.

Not sure if this helps or not, but I want you to know you not alone

Best wishes

JB

Hi Patricia;

Its such a tremendous loss to see a loved one go like that. 3 weeks is so brief a period to try and contemplate what was happening. It must have been devastating to see your dad suffer with no pain killers. I can't even imagine. 

My Dad lived 2 and 1/2 years from diagnosis with pancreatic cancer, which is pretty remarkable to say the least. Dad had the whipple procedure along with chemo and very brief radiation. No doubt the whipple and chemo gave my dad a very long additional lease on life. As i am sure you know, pancreatic cancer has one of the lowest survivability rates of 8% within 5 years of diagnosis and most patients or victims, if you will, die within the first year. So I have to be thankful for having more time with my dad. Its still devastating to me to see how my dad deteriorated in a matter of a few weeks before the end.

The last day of my dad's life was horrific. Not that he was in pain but he was alive physically but not there mentally. I will spare the details but just say it was very hard to take waiting for your dad to die with every breath he took. Unfortuanately, I will have the bad memories towards the end which is the hardest part to deal with.

The cancer once it entered the liver, things changed in a hurry and went from bad to worse and we never really got our true dad back. it was a downward spiral of infections, antibiotics, pain meds, delirium, confusion, loss of coordination and appetite, weight loss, trips by ambulance to the hospital, build up of fluids in the abdominal cavity, distended abdomen, loss of muscle, it goes on and on.

 Dad deteriorated to become a shell. The whole process and ordeal of it all is a strong sense of sadness which permeates after dad's passing. I think the sadness of my dad not wanting to die but having a strong sense of living, and were in a sense spectators to a horrific tragedy in the making, trying to do whatever we could for our dad but not making the cancer go away. Those feelings of sadness carried over and effected our emotions and that's what we are left and to try and come to terms with. Prayers to you and everyone else having to go through the grieving process and for those dealing with a loved one who has cancer. All I can say is keep a strong faith in the Lord, pray alot and realize you will be in a better place than here on this earth. God bless!!!