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Dad has terminal cancer

R_V_B1984
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Hi my dad was diagnosed with terminal and incurable prostate cancer 2 months ago, which has spread to the lymph nodes and his lungs and he has a Gleason grade of 9 (10 being the worse/highest). They don't know how long he has left, but at the moment  he looks and feels fine. So fingers crossed, it will be a while yet. Like most people on here, I don't know what to do or say. I try to keep normal and happy in front of him, but when I'm not with him I'm a mess, and I'm also a mess at work too. I cry nearly everyday at work, usually in the mornings. Then I'm fine. The docs say it's nasty and aggressive cancer which scares me, of what's to come. He can't have chemo because of his current and previous health - had a stroke, has high blood pressure - so chemo is too risky for him to have, therefore he can only have hormone treatment. They offered him the stampede trial but they refused it because he hasn't had a bone scan yet. That really got his hopes up as he was so set on going on the trial! It feels like my family (my mom and my sister in addition to my father and I) have been living in our own little bubble. And it's annoying that this is on our minds 24/7, and it also feels like ticking timebomb waiting to explode. I haven't seen my family get emotional about it, may be they're like me and do it privately. (But I also get upset at work too!) hopefully this forum will help me get through this over the next few weeks, months, years xx

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    Hi R_V_B 

    I'm really sorry to hear about your dad's situation. Good to hear that he is feeling ok at the moment. My dad has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer & waiting to hear if it's spread to other organs or not (fingers crossed it hasn't). 

    Can they not do a bone scan and then put him on the trial? Or have you asked the Drs if there are any other options available? 

    It's fine to cry, it's a difficult situation to be in and crying is a release of emotions. As someone else said on another post everyone deals with difficult situations/their emotions in different ways & as you mentioned it may be that your family are dealing with it privately.  Try and make sure you look after yourself too by doing some 'normal' things like spending time with friends, eating/sleeping as best you can & a bit of exercise as this might make it a bit easier to deal with things as well as finding support on this forum.

    Sending hugs xx

     

     

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    Hi, I'm very sorry to hear about your father. My father also got diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer 2 months ago. It's extremely hard being told that's the tumour has turned agressive, as this is the news that we had also. I resigned from work, to become his full time carer - my mother is too fragile and she can't lose her job and my little sister is too young to deal with this. I know where you're coming from, I cry almost every day too - this is normal, no one is built to take on such a role involved with someone so close to you. I'm 19 years old and my life has changed completely in the last two months. The most important thing is to make sure our fathers have a very comfortable life with us, no matter how long they have left. We need to be strong and there for them, even if its tearing us apart. Have you tried any support groups, I've heard they help immensely - although I can't vouch, as I haven't ever attended one. Amy.

  • Offline in reply to aimjones20

    Hey so sorry for the delay in replying. My dad had his bone scan a week ago so we're waiting for the results on that. Also his next oncology appointment is in 3 weeks time. He still seems ok and his hormone therapy seems to be ok. He still has bladder trouble as in rushing to the loo. Also he had some back and tummy pain the last few days and that's now gone, I phoned the oncology and urology department about it and they said take painkillers as they can't advise anything until they get his bone scan results. He seems ok mentally and physically but he seems down some days obviously. He seems to have stopped going out lately, and he seems to stay in watching TV a lot! I don't want him to waste the time he has left (however long that is) by staying in and watching TV. :(  I'm arranging days out for us but we can't go too far or he gets tired. We can go/travel about an hour or less away. Have u had to give up work, and look after him because he's already quite bad from it? I do have my mom who's with him the majority of the time xx

  • Offline in reply to Jam80

    Hey I've replied in the thread xx

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