Hi Deano, welcome to the forum, but so sorry for why you are here. You are heatbroken at the loss of your wife from this terminal cancer. How you are feeling right now is how most of us feel when we lose a loved one to death. We always wonder if there was anything we could have, should have, and would have done to prevent the death of our loved one. That's what goes on in our hearts, but in our heads we know there wasn't anything we could have done different. Grieving over the loss of a loved one is hard work and it is so painful that we sometimes become overwhelmed with the grief. How you are feeling is normally how we all feel at a time like this. I hope you have family and friends around you to support you as you go through this difficult time. You won't always feel this bad about losing your wife. As time goes on, the sharp edge of that loss will soften gradually and you will learn a "new normal" in your life. It will take time though.

Come back on the forum from time to time and let us know how you are managing. Tell us about your wife and what she was like. Doing that will help you with your grief. You will also find there are other forum members who have lost a husband/wife and can relate to your loss. Supporting one another helps to get through these tough times.

Take care of yourself.

Lorraine  

Thank you for your reply it's very much appreciated Lorraine. 

Hi Deano

I lost my husband in January this year and recognise all those emotions you are going through (hubby had a three year journey with terminal Mesothelioma - asbestos linked). I am now further through the grieving process and slow but sure the 'new normal' that the lovely Lorraine has mentioned, is being developed. I still miss my hubby and think of him as soon as I wake but I am moving forward and not expecting too much of myself. I am blessed with the support of our two adult children, the love of our small grandchildren and found this forum still gives me help/support in a virtual world.

I too asked could I have done more, and differently, but that is the wishful thinking of the heart and I now appreciate that no matter how much I could have or would have done, it was the cancer that took away my loved one and not what I did or did not do.  Grieving is a rocky road and effects us all differently but it is very early days for you.  I still have concentration/sleep issues but will work through them.

Please come and chat anytime you wish; I found it a great help to write down how I felt/feel and received much understanding. Regards Jules54

Thank you very much jules. I know it's going to be a long road I have to travel. Think I just need a bit of reassurance from people who have sadly experienced the loss of a beloved wife or husband. 

Hi Deano, my husdand too has a brain tumour, he was diagnosed in August, he's 46.  He's still here with us but it can't be cured, and so I will loose him.  I know I can't speak from the experience of loosing someone, yet, but I can understand the pain of watching someone with a brain tumour and how it changes so much about them.  The knowledge of a tumour is hard, but also the change in the person you love is torture.

  I wish you luck and strength,  Mandy xx

Thank youMandy. My wife was 42 when she passed. I hope you still have a lot of time left together. It is a very testing time looking after them but with plenty of love and dedication from each other you both will make the best of whatever time you have left. God bless u both 

Hi again Deano

I think many who have lost a partner will relate to how you are feeling especially those who spent any length of time in the caring role.  Not only do we physically miss our wife/husband/partner but we also lose a bit of purpose because the 'caring' has gone also and we find we have had our own lives on hold as well.  It takes time to re-adjust and coping day to day was my own focus.  My GP was very supportive in the early weeks and I actually go back to see her early next month (her suggestion) as this will be a difficult time of year for me and the family.  In the early weeks after the loss, there are certain things that need to be done but then time just seems to be filled with 'what if' until at some point you find a new path to follow. I only work part time so had too much thinking time and now I am learning to occupy those spare moments but it all takes time.  Take care. Jules

Hi Deano

i lost my lovely husband to Cancer 3 years ago.  I blamed myself and still do slightly.  I then had serious health issues and was in hospital for a year.  When I came home I started to grieve, it didn't matter how many people said "time is a healer" I didn't believe it.  Life goes on but I didn't feel it did for me.  I felt so empty.  But time does make you feel differently, it is still all very  early for you and unfortunately you have to go through all these mixed feelings to grieve.  Remember the happy times and the little things which made you both laugh.  

Take care

Hi Deano, just wondered how you're doing today xx