Lung Cancer

Hello all, I am new here so I guess I will start with my story.  My Husband (Terry) my soulmate, friend, my everything has stage 4 Non small cell Squamous Cell Carcinoma of an unknown primary.  June 2014 our son called me and said "Mom you need to come get Dad off the job, he just passed out"  What?  He is NEVER sick, immune system like nothing I have ever seen.  When I arrived, 2 men helped him to my car, he was pale as a sheet and was having a hard time breathing and swallowing.  Off to the Hospital we went.  After several test & Dr's we were told he had a Hiatal Hernia and the acid was effecting the nerve next to the esophogus.  This was causing him to pass out.  Meds were givin & I worked on his diet.  Food had to be almost purified for him to swallow.  Suddenly he lost his voice.  ENT found his vocal cord was paralyzed, why?  A CT of the chest was ordered, and there it was....a tumor in his upper chest....15 cm and wrapped around his wind pipe, arteries, esophagus, and nerves.  It damaged a nerve that controlled the left vocal cord.  Byopsy was done and yes ma'am your husband has Cancer.  Do you have an Oncologist?  My head was spinning!!!  One was recommended, a petscan was done and another tumor was found in the abdomen area.  By the end of September 2014 treatment had began.  Oh did I mention I was working on our Daughter's wedding during all this??  Yep she was married Sept 13, 2014.  I am so ANGRY, he is only 55!!  We had plans!!  He went through radiation and chemo and the tumors shrank.  The chest tumor went down to 2cm and the abdomen tumor 4cm.  Oncologist decided this was all that could be done for now.  Feb 2015 treatment stopped.  He was told to LIVE ride your motorcycle, go mud riding on side by side, take a trip, LIVE!!  He is more of a homebody so we did camp and mud ride.  He did ride his motorcycle when he felt strong enough.  In August another petscan was done, it's back!!  Nodule in lung, Oncologist is saying 2 good yrs left.  He is doing treatment again and is told this will continue indefinetly.  I do not know life without him.  We have been married for 35 yrs and he is all I know.  I find myself thinking of what I will do with myself once he is gone....nothing seems right!!  I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!

  • Hi Breeze62.
    So sorry to read your post and the reasons you have joined.
    I can understand your anger and frustration as I am sure so many others here can.  Doesn't make it any easier for you or answer your questions as to the future.
    We had 3 months from diagnosis to my husband passing from being a big strong man to being dependant on me for everything.  But we enjoyed every moment we had, his pain was managed and how we talked, laughed and enjoyed looking at nature.  All the things normally overlooked we savoured together.
    Yes I was, am still angry at the future that was ripped away from us, our plans for retirement etc... But to me it's a wasted emotion, can't change anything.
    I sincerely hope being on this site helps you.  There are so many wonderful people who will offer support and understanding.  You are not alone in the road you are travelling.  Small compensation to you but others do understand how you are feeling.
    Sending hugs
    Kathy.
     

  • Thanks Kathy.

    I am so sorry for your loss.  We too are making the best of this bad situation.  (trying at least)  We lay in the yard and watch the clouds, sit on the porch watching the hummingbirds, enjoying nature was something we always did.  I remember when we were dating he asked me if I wanted to go camping, I knew I was going to marry this man!!  We fished and cooked on an open fire, it was great!!  I guess I had to vent and I truely agree anger is a wasted emotion.  I can't seem to shake it sometimes.  I look at a man who worked so very hard and seemed to always have energy to spare to now laying on the couch cause he is spent.  Breaks my heart.  Then there are days that he actually builds or repairs something.  I get home from work and he says "I didn't even nap today!"  Love him to pieces

  • Hi again,
    It is good you are enjoying time together.
    Venting is ok and is healthy/good for you.  This is a great place to do it - very supportive mob.
    I can hear the smile in your post as you talk about your man.  It is truly lovely to "hear".
    You are so proud of him and that is great.  You are so fortunate to have found someone to have loved and been loved for so long.  At the end of the day we have to be thankful for what we have had.  Some people never have that.

    Did you catch your own fish?  What did you cook on the open fire?    Hope it wasn't the soles of your feet if you fell asleep too close to it.
    Kathy x
     

  • Yes Kathy I am very fortunate to have found someone that I can honestly say is my "soulmate"  kind of scary sometimes!! hahaa  Our relationship had it's ups and downs, as many do, but we found a happy medium and stayed there.  I mean why spend a marriage arguing over silly things.

    I have melted a sole or two, but not this time!!  haha We did catch our own fish, catfish and bream, and that is what we cooked on the open fire.  The area we would pitch our tent also had free roaming cattle.  One night I woke to this snorting sound against the tent.  Oh how we laughed when we realized we were surrounded by cows!!!  MAKE NO SUDDEN NOISES!!!  hahaa

    I had forgotten this little memory, will have to remind Terry this afternoon :)

    Thank you Kathy for making me smile :))))

  • Breeze62,
    Bit of a clue in your last message,  
    Are you in Oz?  The fish you mentioned are pretty common over here.  I am in SA.
    We too enjoyed fishing, in our younger days, but I used to catch the bigger and better ones (girl power).  Him with the expensive fishing rod me with the cheap one, haha.
    Glad I have made you smile for a wee bit anyway.
    Nice memories are good.  I don't think any relationship is perfect.  It's what you make it.  Ups and downs.  Go with the flow and dispute on the big issues, the small ones pfft....
    Kathy x
     

  • Hi Breeze62

    So pleased to see that the lovely Kathy has made contact and hope you find belonging to the forum helps.

    I joined just three years ago  when my husband of over 35 years (back then) was diagnosed with incurable cancer and treatment become impossible due to the side effects causing more problems at the time.  This forum is full of wonderful people who may not be able to physically help solve how we feel (they give it a b.......... good try) but having virtual support and somewhere to express our feelings as carers for those we love and cherish truly helped me to cope.  Sadly my hubby passed away (he was 62) and I am still relying on the forum from time to time as we do not always want to burden our family and friends who have their own emotions too.

    I was never a 'camper' but just reading your replies to Kathy I felt I could almost taste that fish and am pretty sure that with hummingbirds for company you are not UK based unless you live in a zoo!  Come and chat whenever you feel the need. Regards Jules54 

  • I am in Louisiana.  We would go camping on the Levee in the Henderson area

  • Just googled, looks like a nice place  Breeze62

     

    K xx

  • Hi Jules54

    The Zoo coment made me laugh. I tell ya - sometimes I feel like I AM living in a Zoo!!! 

      To both of you, I am sorry I forgot I was on UK site!!  I am in US.  I start my other support group on Oct 1 and this one accepted me.  You are both so gracious to send kind words my way.  I have a very large family and everyone has their life to live, although they do keep in contact with me on Terry's condition.  I guess I felt I needed people with same feelings (or close to it) to talk to. 

    Those fish were DELISH!!!  Nothing like cooking on an open fire.

  • I would not trade it for the world!!  So much to do outdoors, and that is what we enjoy.  Parks for picnics, waterways to kayak, State parks to camp/fish/enjoy Nature.  I absolutely Love it here in Louisiana.