Hi Gobur,

I can understand what you say but I would like to tell you about how I was diagnosed. My wife threatened the same as you did your friend, in doing so she probably saved my life as my prostate cancer was caught early and I have made a good recovery. So rather than feeling guilty, you should be feeling pleased that you have started your friend on her journey earlier than she would have done had you not pushed her. As we all know, the earlier cancer is diagnosed, the better the chance of recovery so well done you.

Best wishes to you and your friend, Brian.

Do not feel guilty about this, I tried to drag my husband to the doctors two years ago and he kept saying I will go in my own time. He was always very obstinate about doctors dentists even opticians, your friend will thank you in the end because it is always better to catch this thing early.  Stay by her and look after her which you will because it will be a long journey. Give yourself a pat on the back because she is lucky to have such a good friend. Gillian

Hi Gobur,

I hope Brian and Gillian's responses have reassured you and helped with your feelings of guilt. 

Another thought that may help you overcome this feeling is that you certainly would have felt far greater guilt if you hadn't badgered her into going to the GP and just let her amble on, not knowing.

You're obviously a very caring friend and will be a great comfort and support to your friend. 

Take care of yourself too and come and let off steam here when you need to, Jo xx

Hi Gobar,

Time for some tough love. What you are feeling is probably normal, but definitely dumb!

If you hadn't dragged her to see the doctor she would still have cancer but it would just continue to grow untreated until her symptoms were too bad to be ignored. At that point she might well have been at an inoperable and untreatable stage.

Don't beat yourself up about this. At worst she will get the treatment she needs to try to stop it growing or to manage her pain ... at best you may well have saved her life.

Best wishes
Dave

Hi everyone , thankyou so much for your replies.I know that I shouldn't feel this way but fortunately unlike many people I have never had anyone close to me diagnosed with cancer and maybe when my friend starts treatment and is hopefully on the road to recovery  I will realise it was absolutely the right thing to do. No matter what I will be with her for every step as long as she wants me to. 

Kind regards. Xx

Yes . I am feeling a little better about things but that is only because of the lovely support from people on this site. It is still early days for my friend and she will be seeing the oncologist on Thursday to set out a treatment plan. It will be our journey and yes I will post from time to time. Thankyou so much. Xxx 

Hi. Well here I am once again. I did say I would post from time to time. My lovely friend has just finished her course of chemotherapy, bravely borne I might add. Sadly after seeing her oncologist she finally asked for her prognosis only to be told that she has18 -12 months left to live. God why is life so unfair. I just don't know what I can do to support her now and wish I could be as brave as her. This will be my last post on this site. Thankyou to those who offered kind words, and bless you all on your journey.

gobur hope you see this post - You ask what can you do for your friend the answer is be there for her.

Help to do what you can she may not need or want help now but she will want friends and further down the line need some help with household chores cooking a meal.

Please dont stay away from her but you will need to take your lead from her if she's up to going out then do so.  My friend used to phone me during my bad days after my chemo and for the first few seconds it annoyed me but after that it was great to chat and take my mind of things.

Anytime you need to come back do so.

I have just read your thread and then your latest post. I had a good friend who fought cancer on and off for over 23 years (so many different chemo/radiotherapy/hormone treatments borne, as you say, bravely(. She was my inspiration and when she coud no longer have treatment she just wanted to enjoy the life she still had.  The way we helped was to try and meet her 'to do' list. I might add that during this time she also offered me support during the early days of my husband's terminal cancer diagnosis.

As good friends she will probably lead the way in how she would like her family and mates to help out (or not) depending on her day to day feelings. Also its good to remember that 'timelines' are only an estimate and many (including my friend) proved the doctors wrong.

  It is never easy watching someone we cherish having to deal with such illnesses but the forum is still here for anyone at anytime to listen so do not stay away if you think it will help to chat. Friends, family and carers also need support with their emotions during difficult days. Take care. Jules54