Hi Everyone I am new to this.
My mum passed away from Breast Cancer two years on 7th June. I am still struggling everyday she was my best friend,role model and so much more she brighten every room she entered with her smile and laugh.
I left my job and looked after her 4 days a week. This became increasingly difficult as her health deteriorated rapidly and she lost her independence. This was the hardest thing to watch as I had never met a more independent proud woman who very rarely asked for help, now needing help to do anything.
After a fit she lost the ability to walk as the cancer had spread to her spine and brain. At this point I had to agree to have her moved into a hospice as she needed more care than I was able to give. This broke my heart more as she hated being there and wanting to know when she could leave.
Unfortunately she was unable to leave due to care needed, however we did move her to a hospice in London closer to family and friends and a couple weeks later she passed away.
I was heartbroken but also pleased she wasn't in pain anymore.
She left me with some money which I decided to buy a house with. Little did I know how stressful this would be with the current housing market in London. I eventually after a year found a house in Watford which needed extensive work but was within my budget. I have now been in the house for 3 months and it's beautiful everything I could ever want. Yet I find myself still struggling to accept it and love it as my home. But what I find the hardest is when people ask about the house mortgage ect and when they find out I bought it outright say things like wow you're so lucky which really makes me mad as I would happily give it all back in a heartbeat.
My boyfriends mother then passed away a year later and their anniversaries are a week apart this has been a challenge to try and comfort one and other while feeling broken ourselves.
He seems to be handelling things better than I am, which makes me feel weak
