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my dad is dying and I dont know how I will cope.

stephf10
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My dad has had prostate cancer for many many years, the treatment has been amazing, and has prolonged his life by 15 years, but eventually it stops and it spreads, and it has to his bones, lungs and now his brain. He is to be admitted to the hospice today, and I dont know how Im going to cope. In january this year my partner announced he was leaving me and our 4 year old twins, he hasnt gone, but he is not the man he once was and is currently emotionally abusive and resentful of me. The woman he was leaving me for told him he has to help me through this - but he is incapable - there is no comfort, his only concerns are his own feelings. I am so angry all I want to think about is my dad and yet I am having to deal with him as well. I dont know what I will do, I am hundreds of miles away from my dad and my family and have no support where I live, not a single person. Please just dont know how I'm going to get through this as an individual, nor as a mum with kids who need me so much. I was supposed to be up north with them yesterday but have been too ill to travel, I think Im exhausted, but will go today 

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    Oh my goodness, you poor thing. Your situation is exactly the same as mine on the dad front but I am lucky enough to have my husband's support and I don't live as far from my dad. My dad is in the hospice now, I'm typing from his bedside. He is in ha last hours/days after 15 years of PC - just like yours. I can't tell you how you will cope with looking after your kids or how you overcome the geographic issues of where you are - but I can tell you that you will cope with your dad's situation. I never in ail lion yeas thought that I could do this without completey cracking up - but I am doing it. I'm here on my own at the moment with him. I've stayed here  overnight the past two nights with my mum looking after him. And I am not the nursing type! But you will find a strength you never knew you had - sounds so cliched but it's true. Sending you best wishes. All you can do is just hold on. K x

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    Steph

    Im so sorry to hear that you are having to split yourself so many ways right now. I know first hand what its like having a close family member who is seriously ill and at the other end of the country. Is there a hospice near you who might be able to offer a listening ear to you so you dont feel so alone?  Its been quite a number of years since my family and I were in a similar situation so Im a bit rusty on practical help. I think macmillan offer a freephone number if you just need to chat. Im sorry I cant offer you much help or comfort but please know you are not alone. I hope you feel well enough to make the journey to to your family

    Inula x 

  • Offline in reply to Inula

    Thansk for both your replies, Ive just found out form my sister that he is too ill to move to the hospice today and I am waiting for my other half to get here to drive us. I just want to be with him - please let him hold on until I get there. 

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    Hope you have a safe journey  to your family Steph. Sending you all virtual hugs xx Inula

  • Offline in reply to stephf10

    Dear Steph

    First, I hope you get to see your Dad and say goodbye. 

    You are obviously having a dreadful time with all these problems coming at once. I know how you feel. In 1981 my first marriage broke up, my grandfather died, and then two weeks after that my father died. My mum could not cope and started drinking heavily. She had a complete breakdown. All of this happened within three months.

    I was in a really bad way, and had to be looked after by the mental health services.

    But, as George Harrison sang, All Things Must Pass. You will get through this. It will probably always cause you pain when you remember about it. But you will survive. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us on this site updated.

    Long distance hugs to you and your children.  Fiona xx

     

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