Morning James

How annoying that no doctor was available to help you yesterday when you were able to call them.  Its awful they expect  you to cope alone when in such  a lot of pain.  Don't know how you manage to hide the pain and wonder if they would manage to do the same. It makes me equally sad and angry that this is happening in the modern world  My hubby normally had a very high pain level but knows he cannot manage without constant relief which is why they eventually put him on the slow release drugs.  He was offered the additional back-up of morphine but has said he does not require it yet  and prefers a 'nip' of his favourite malt!! His consultant says he should enjoy everything in moderation so nothing is banned at present.   We have a fridge of two halves - full fat his side and 'lowest fat' my side (to control cholesterol levels naturally) but have to say whilst we are away the healthy eating (for me) will definitely be on hold.

Last night we were supposed to be having a quiet evening but at the last minute our normal Friday-night mates (who were at a family funeral earlier in the day) rang to say they were home and did we fancy going out.  An hour later we were ready and waiting and I went to bingo with the wife(won £15) whilst hubby went to the pub with her husband.  When we returned to pick our boys up we were asked if we would mind waiting (or coming in for a drink!) as they had just been bought a round by the landlord.  I had not seen my hubby so relaxed for many a month and we just sent them back in to enjoy the atmosphere (preferring to sit in the car and chat!!).  Half hour later they came out and I have to say seeing both of them walking along laughing bought a tear to the eye (it was the best Christmas present I could receive this year).

James,I hope Monday brings better news for you and that you can be allowed to have a more comfortable Christmas than  you are currently facing.  Peace and hugs to you all. Jules xxx

hello Jules

          Thank you so much for your words of comfort and support, you know i wish that i was like your Hubby and able to take a Nip of something strong but due to my PEG then i am unable to inbibe any spirits to help with the pain.but i am glad to see that your hubby is able to i shall just have to grin and bite the bullet to hide and control the pain, as i do not wish to ruin Christmas for everyon s else in the family thank you so much for all your help over these past few weeks,as i know you have so much to cope with in your own home and could do with out me moaning and ranting on over something that is mostly of my own making if i were to talk a bit more forcefully  to my wife and children then this would not be happening, but i do love them so and i dont want to hurt them or my position in my lovley house hold i am it sounds silly i know afraid of what might happen whilst i am in such abad position in my life and i could not be left alone or feel a real bad atmosphere around me in home.

                                      Love and Huggs  James  XXXX

Morning James

Hope you managed some painfree sleep last night and please stop beating yourself up about being a whinge. You have every reason to be feeling out of sorts with the lack of support, constant pain which you are struggling to hide just to help keep the peace.  Am pleased you found the forum and assuming you wife pops out sometimes maybe that would be a good time to ring the nurses on this site for a chat or give you an opportunity to talk to your medical support.  By now I would be in 'screaming with frustration let alone pain' mode.  If you do have to wait till your next'physical appointment' in early January (does your wife go with you?) then make a point of telling them exactly what you are suffering so that they can give you the proper level of support (I go with my hubby tohis consultancy appointments( but not the GP) as these are generally when I learn more about how he is feeling and because Imade them aware of his 'silence re illness' they always ask me (with his permission granted) if I have questions and also how I am coping.  Next planned appointment for his GP is tomorrow (checking on his anti depressants) and then back to hospital towards end of January just before we are due (hopefully) to go away for a weekend with friends in Bournemouth.

Take care James and will keep you in my thoughts. Jules xx

Well Hello Jules

              I am pleased that things are not going too bad for you, at the moment, i just wish that things were going quite so well in our house hold i am going to try and phone the doctors the first thing in the morning,the Mac nurse has not contacted me for nearly two weeks now i was talking to my wife about it and it seems that the last time she came the wife told her that we can manage and she would contact her if she thought we needed her. So now i know why we have had no phone call from them as you can imagine i was most upset with her but i hid it and agreed with her, even though i know that i need them and am at the moment hideing the pain less and less well, still i am keeping the peace and happyness in the house especially at this time of the year, but oh i do feel ill so i go to bed at half five /six O`clock where i can watch tv and films and hide my pain on my own.

                              Kind regards and Love  and a Very Merry Xmas to you and Hubby from me and family

HiJames

I do hope that you can manage to out-wit everyone and contact your doctor for you need support and better pain relief so that you can cope until your next appointment.  I will keep my fingers crossed that the telephone call brings with it the help you need.  Having to hide away from your family to protect them from seeing your pain and thus keeping the peace must be so hard and extremely lonely for you.  TV cannot replace human companionship so my heart goes out to you and in case my internet fails me again I send you and your family peace and comfort over the Christmas and beyond.

  My hubby has had some discomfort today(can see it in his expression when he moves so he does not have to   talkabout it - 36 yrs of marriage and surely he knows I can 'read him'by now!! (probably due to the effort he put in last night whilst we were out)) but am hoping he will talk it through with his GP tomorrow morning.

I visitedmy Mum with my son this morning and he came back for a late breakfast and think that helped hubby take his mind off things as he was a little more relaxed in the late afternoon and though not eating much did get him to have tea and biscuits whilst we caught up with watching the programmes we missed last night.  He is now escaping into the world of Harry Potter (again!!) and has his chocolate snacks lined up.

Will hope to hear better news when you post next. Take care Jules  xx

Hello Jules and all

                       Well i have spoken to my doctor and Mac nurse today, the nurse was most sorry that she had not been in touch and has set an appointment to visit on Boxing Day she also had a few ideas about pain relief which i told the doctor when i phoned her also the mac nurse informed me that the only reason that my appointment with the specialists is because the Oncoligist will be there es well and that is the only date in the month that she comes to Hereford i just missed this months date  so now i am a little happier. When the doctor called we spoke and she suggested that i have another course of antibiotics to help untill i see the specialist plus some Ibruprofen and extra paracetmol and morphine too help Eurica i have helped myself have a almost pain free Christmas.

                             All My Love and Huggs james XXXX

Hi James

I am so relieved (on your behalf) that you have had positive results fromDoc and Mac nurse  and that she will pop and see you Boxing Day too. I can only imagine how much better you must be feeling having got extra medication to get you through to  your appointment inJanuary and hope your wife is equally delighted to know that you will not be suffering.  Hope this also leads to harmony in the house for Christmas and onwards as well as uninterrupted sleep for yourself.

My hubby had appointment at theGP today and has more pain medication to take once his current regime finishes. Apparently he told her that the current slow release cocktail is falling slightly short and so he will revert to more regular doses  three times a day next month.His anti depressants will remain at current levels and he goes back again at beginning of Feb (taking into account he has consultants appointment at hospital during the last week in January and we are away for last weekend in Jan all being well).

Internet access seems to come and go with the windy gusts at the moment.  Hope all is well in your area as we batton down the hatches for the overnight deluge we have been promised. We seem to have a lull at themoment and I have just been out delivering Christmas cheer to our neighbours.

Have now finished work for a week which is a very nice feeling. Got drenched coming home (brolly was total waste of time so did the 15 min walk from the station and resembled a drowned rat (some might say thats just normal). Would have been handy to have had some shampoo to finish off the hair do!!!

Take care of yourself my virtual friend and hope that y ou will now be able to enjoy the Christmas period more comfortable, pain free and peacefully.

Will be back in touch with the forum  when I return from holiday (internet access permitting).  Thanks for chatting over recent weeks and wish you and the family all the very best for Christmas and 2014. kind thoughts and virtual hugs. Jules xx

Hi James,

Was so glad to hear you had managed to contact your GP and Mac nurse. I do hope you get the pain relief and the worry relief from now knowing about your appointments.

I hope you have a much better day tomorrow and manage to enjoy Christmas,

love and hugs and lots of Christmas good wishes

Annabel xx.

Hello Annabel

             Thank you so much for your kind words, and understanding the way i feel, at the moment, but can you understand that now i know when and why the appointment has been set for when it is, then it is making me worry  more than before, as i have talked too some people about their Cancer and as i thought Lung Cancer is a more Serious than the Cancer that i had before, but i thought that the Cancer in my Neck had been Beaten Five years ago but no it is back plus i have the Lung Cancer on top of that, my moods have turned black again so i am very Morose and in a deep dark hole that i cannot get out of, Just thought i would add at the end of my post it is Xmas Eve and it is thundering Ho Ho Ho.

                                               yours James  XXXX