Hi James

Have spent the morning/early afternoon very busy at work and was happy to sit down once home - Only have one work day before Christmas now so can begin to take it a bit easier.

Hubby is dozing in front of the fire and no doubt will do so again after dinner but he seems okay with our social arrangements for the festivities (has always loved getting family together and we manage it on a rota system with me, his brother and sister, taking turns in hosting.  It has certainly worked so far.  This year will be the biggest yet,  both people and petwise!! but with small children and dogs (apparently you should not work with either but I go down to their level and that seems to work) . I will probably get reminded that I need to grow up

I am so sorry that your enjoyment will be marred by pain - its so unfair that anyone should have to suffer this way.  Fingers crossed for a better outcome once your appointment comes round since it seems somehow inevitable that you are planning to cope without intervention until then.  Hope your house has a good atmosphere for Christmas and that you will have the company of a happy family around you.  Take care.Jules xx

Hello Jules

                  I am so pleased to hear that you are going to have a Jolly Christmas, I think that you are quite right you should get down to the childrens level as they know how to live and love Christmas, before I was blighted with this Horrid Thing then there was no one more childish at Christmas than me I even out did the kids I so love Christmas and am so sorry for what this thing has done this to me, when everyone sits down for their meal and a few games at the table i will be sitting in the other room on my own, still i am glad too hear that your family are all going to have a fantastic time.

              The Physio came to day for my last exercise time before christmas and i was talking to her about the Antibiotics and how both they or my pain relief were not working, and she said too my wife that she should phone the dr`s tomorrow and get a home visit to try to sort out both my pain and antibiotics before Christmas, so now i shall see if she does or not.

                                         Love and Huggs   James  XX

  P,S  Tell Hubby i hope he enjoys his christmas, and you really relax and enjoy yourself for a while.

Hi James ........ I'm so sorry I havent been in touch for a little while but I have had a really really bad week. My operation was cancelled Monday and rescheduled for yesterday (Weds). I was on the operating table and all wired up to scans and cannulars when the radiologist told me that I only had a 50/50% chance of surviving the operation and, if I were his wife, he would not operate on me because it was far too risky. Needless to say, I was out of the theatre as quick as lightening! So I havent had any treatment and dont really know where I go from here (well I do - but I dont want to think about it!).. There is another operation they suggested but it sounds horrendous and can cause heart problems - so I will post 'ask the nurses' and see if they have any more information about it.

Im sorry to see that you are still in such pain and really hope that you or your wife contact the doctor tomorrow as your physio suggests. I was also so sad to see how much you love Xmas, yet you will be sitting alone when your family are there - do you think that is what will happen James? Why?  I so wish you had some support to help you through all this but you know there are people on the site who care very much about you and are always here to speak to when you are finding it hard to cope.

Please take care - and please make sure you contact the doctor tomorrow - you need to get some guidance with your medication before the 6th my friend. Please dont be scared that your family will leave you because of things that have happened to you in the past - Im sure they love you very very much and are overwhelmed at the thought of your illness.  Much love and hope you sleep well.   Max x

Hi James,

Like Annabel, I regularly read your posts and the wonderful support that Max and Jules are giving you.

(I high jacked your thread a while back to send a message to Max!)

I'm sorry that you are in pain and getting the help you need for this, is proving difficult as you don't want to upset anyone or cause more of an atmosphere at home. You sound such a considerate, lovely man, but please take care of yourself by considering your needs too. I hope you find a way to resolve this before your next appointment in January. The thought of you being in pain for so long, makes me feel sad.

I'm glad you are finding the support you need here . . . Max, Jules and Annabel have offered me their supportive words on numerous occasions; wonderful friends!

Take care, James, and I'll be looking out for your posts;  we share the same Meerkat avatar, so you're be easy to spot

Love and hugs, Jo xxx

Max,

Sorry to hear your operation didn't go ahead - but glad in a way if the odds of survival were only 50:50.

Feel free to rant in a PM!

Thinking of you and yours

Dave x

Hello Max

       I am sorry to hear about all that has happened to you in the past few days you must be very distraught and not knowing what to do next, you make me feel such a whimp and unable to cope with a situation that does not hold a candle to your`s but i suppose you are stuck between a rock and a hard place and really unable to decide what to do. Where all i have got to put up with is a lot of pain to cope with it does make me feel so humble and stupid i will phone the doctors later to see if they can help me over Christmas, I know the troubles that you have but i hope that you still have a grand Christmas.

                    Love and Huggs from  James  XX

Hello Jo

         Thank you very much for your words of support yes i remember you hijacking my posts before but as you must remember i wrote to you to say at the time that it was fine and i was glad that you had found a way to contact Max and give her your support,thank you also for taking the time too read my posts which i must say at times are not to cheery, i now feel such a wimp compared to Max and others, but the pain has woke me up again so early to take more pain relief, my home situation which i am sure is more in my head than in reality does not help with getting any help.

                                 Love and Huggs James  XX

James ......    you are definitely not a wimp! Living in constant pain is no easy feat - I dont have that to contend with, I am very lucky!  Also living with this illness with no support and a restriction on what you can say must be crucifying - again I dont have that, so I am lucky.  We are all on the same journey emotionally James so please never think your illness is any less important than others - far from it!!!!  I am at the hospital for an Herceptin infusion today - but just wanted to say Hi and thank you for your kind words AND hope you see the doc. Will be in touch soon x

Hi James

Just hoping your wife has listened to your physio and got you the help you really need to be more comfortable over the festive period.  I am sure with the right level of pain relief you would be able to enjoy yourself that bit more.  It saddens  me to  hear that you are isolated from the mealtime with your family because of how the cancer is affecting you all. My husband does find it physically exhausting to be around the grandchildren (mainly the noise as since his chemo his hearing has become oversensitive and he suffers with tinnitus) for too long but amazingly he has learnt the art of dropping off even when they are playing and the 5 year old has just accepted things over the past two years and knows instinctively to wait till grandad has had 'energy sleep'.  I suspect a tot of whisky will help too.

I will not have access to the computer during Christmas itself (we ban them so we can enjoy old fashioned games and maybe even conversation) and as my sister in law lives in a low signal area for mobiles it should be pretty peaceful.  I do have to leave the emergency landline  number with the carehome where my Mum is  but will visit her this weekend and hope she remains well.

Sending hugs. Jules