Hi Momo,

I would like to welcome you to this great forum and to thank you for sharing you story with us. I know what you are going through as I lost my mother over seven years ago to breast cancer which migrated to her brain. Just like you I miss seeing her and phoning her and telling her about the grandchildren or the general things in life.

I have this belief that when we lose someone close like one of our parents, after a time we come to realize that a part of them are still with us, for they helped shape who we are with the love they have imparted to us when we were growing up and also a part of them lives on inside of us through the genes they have passed on to us. Things happen from time to time where I realize, that's just what my mother would have done or said. When I first realized this, it was a little eerie but now I have got used to it and I find it quite comforting as it's almost as if she is still here watching over me and guiding the things I do.

I don't think we ever completely get over losing someone as it leaves a big hole in our lives that can never be filled; it's more a case of learning to adjust to a life that will never be quite the same.

I hope you feel more at ease now you have put pen to paper theoretically speaking and please feel free to come on  here as often as you need for it does help to talk about our loss. Please take care, best wishes, Brian

Hello Momof6,

I'm so sorry to hear that you have lost your Mum. Grief can be a difficult path to travel following the death of loved one and I know that many of the members of Cancer Chat will identify with some of the things you have shared in your story.

Please don't feel that you have to apologise for "rambling". Part of being able to work through your grief is to express those thoughts, feelings and experiences. I know that we will try to support you on your journey and I wonder if you have considered some counselling support as well? We have a section here on the website with details of organisations that can provide bereavement counselling if it is something you want to think about.

best wishes,

Jenn

Cancer Chat moderator

Hello momof6 I have just read your post and just want to say how sorry I am for the loss of your mum ,please dont feel bad for rambling on ,this forum is just the right place to offload its so right that you do let it al out.your mum was such a big part of your life and missing her is painfull ,I lost my lovely husband Tony to the evil cancer we had been married 40 years he lost his battle on Feb 5th this year at 1pm my heart is broken ,but speaking to all the lovely people on this forum helps so much I find ,and I hope you find it helps you too so come on and ramble whenever you want to.....Big Hugs Susananne x

Hi momof6

                    I lost my mam 1 month ago to lung cancer and its extremely difficult to accept that I too will never see her again. It's early days for me and my grieving but think of the good times you had with her as I do mine.I only signed up today and I am so glad I did.To be able to express my feelings about my loss is all part of healing.I cried only a few hours ago because of something I heard which reminded me of her. I will feel the same at some point the way you are now and with that comes strength to push on.

Keep strong

Manu.

Thank you all for your lovely replies. Sorry for any typos I am replying on my phone.

I wish I had spent more time with my mum and told her more often how much I loved her and what a great mum ans grandma she was. I think my mum.knew she was going to die but knew  I wouldn't be able to handle it I also think she knew I would visit her more often and the one thing about my mum is she was really strong willed. My family even said that before I got to the hospital before she died she was laughing and joking I think she was just trying to make it easier for everyone else. Everyone tells me how I sound like her and my husband always tells me how I laugh just like her.

I would just love to hug her one more time. I try to remember the good times we had but when I close my eyes to sleep all I see is her in the hospital bed looking old and weak and struggling to breathe and that wasn't my mum.

My mum was fun caring strong loving. I just want to see her one more time and tell her everything she has missed.

Sorry for going on x

I lost my wife (who was just 54) in January .... I know and feel for your need ...

My mum was 54 too. I just feel it was no age to die. The only think I am glad about is she got to be a big part of my children's lives and I was the only one out of her children to give her grandkids. She knew we was all happy and in loving relationships before she passed.

Hi Momo,

Then you have that to be very very grateful for.  My wife so wanted/looked forward to being a grandmother.  It was one of those roles she was so very well equipped to be ... but alas.  This was her one really big regret in life: not to have seen grand children.  It was something she often cried over, in private, as the kids relationships were not quite ready for children and it would have been wrong for them to feel the presure!

Kind thoughts

Ian

Hello momof6,

So sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum.  I know how you feel about the delayed realisation of what has happened, I lost my Mum 5-6 weeks ago, and still feel like I have no real belief that it has happened.  It's like I know she is not here, but don't really believe it.  I wonder if this feeling will ever pass.  I've had a few days where it really hits me, but it is short lived and then I seem to return to this state of disbelief?  I guess it is a protective thing, but it feels weird.  Like you said, I keep wanting to pick up the phone and just chat to her - sometimes when I ring my Dad, I still find myself thinking I wonder if Mum will pick up?  I so loved to ring and just chat to her, and it is normally when I realise this will never happen again that I feel at my lowest.

I also agree with you that it is so painful because of grand-children, whilst I am very happy that my mum got to meet her grand-children, they are all very young so may not really remember her as they grow up, although we will do all we can to make sure they 'know' her.  I am so sorry though that your Mum could not be at your wedding - two things though, she would have been with you in one way or another, and I am sure she knew how happy you were and would be, she would have seen that every time she saw you.  It is hard not to get upset that she didn't see you on that particular day, but Mum's are so perceptive about their children that in her mind, she would have known.

I guess I am just trying to reassure you that you are not alone, and the way you are feeling is normal (assuming the way I am feeling is normal of course!!) Part of grieving is offloading the upsetting and confusing thoughts that fly around your head and that is why this forum is so good, as you can just let it all out to people who completely understand, as sadly most of them have gone through the same things.

Come back on here and ramble and let it all out as much as you need to - I certainly do, not as often as I would like as work and life sometimes get in the way, but I know it is always here when I need it.

Take good care,

Catherine x

Thank you so much your kind words and I'm sorry for the loss of your mum. I know my mum wasn't physically at my wedding but hopefully in spirit she was. I had my older children read a poem for mum I also has a butterfly theme as when my mum passed a  butterfly suddenly flew through the room.

Today my youngest child came running into my room this morning to tell me nannie had been to see her as she had found a white feather and it was from nannie's angel wings and she was always looking after us I just held her tight and told her she was right.

It is hard with children as u try to be strong and keep on as normal when all u want to do is lay in bed and cry.

I can't say to you it gets easier as I'm 6 months in and still not sure where I am in the grieving process .

I am here any time u want to talk