Hi Tonynot,  I don't think that you should apologise for anything.  You have been through a trauma and cancer is a horrible disease.  Anybody who has had or has cancer will know exactly how you are feeling.  You can't just get back in the saddle (even though some people think because you have had treatment you should).  It takes years to recover slowly and get used to the new normal.  It definitely changes you forever.  I had cancer twelve years ago and it certainly took me time to recover and feel back in control of my own body.  I find that this and other forums help me as it makes me feel better writing things down and also to know that I am not alone  .Also maybe your doctor can signpost you to some counselling if you think it might help.  Macmillan have helped me and organised counselling for me.  Never apologise for how you feel.  We understand and you are not alone.  I am always here if you want to chat.

Lee x