Hi Ann,

A very warm welcome to our forum. 

Unfortunately your story is all too familiar. It sounds as if we are of similar age. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer and 1 of pre-cancer, all within a year of each other. My hubby has has dementia and has had a couple of bouts of skin cancer, a stroke, heart failure and a large number of other co-morbidities. He had to retire at 50 after he had a quadruple heart by-pass. I was self-employed and worked until I was 72. He now has Bowen's disease, which is likely to lead to further cancers. I also looked after my mother with secondary breast cancer, until she passed away, so I am unfortunately, not a stranger to your situation.

I am glad to hear that you are now cancer free following your lobectomy, but fully appreciate that you are now the post-cancer version of yourself and not the pre-cancer version. I feel the same - cancer certainly does leave a legacy! Sometimes, we can give the impression of being too capable and we don't call for help until we are at breaking point. Do you have any family support at all? You might find it helpful to talk to your husband's care team (GP and/or hospital)  to see what help you can get. Having carers coming in for a few hours a day, would give you a respite for a short while each day, but it also opens doors to other services. If your husband is like mine, he won't want anyone but you to look after him, but you need to put yourself first for a change. If something happened to you, he'd have to accept carers.

Partners can become more difficult and demanding in a situation such as this and you are not really fit enough to deal with this. Have you considered taking a mild anti-depressant? I was very against this, when it was mooted to me, but it has really helped me enormously. Have a chat with your GP and tell him/her exactly how you feel and see what they suggest.

I sincerely hope that you find some support and I am always here any time you want to rant.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx