Hi!

I ummed and arhed about posting here and have trawled through the forums. I guess it will just help to talk to others going through the same. 

Just over a week ago I felt a small hard lump on my left breast at the top. I was on holiday for a few days and convinced myself it was nothing and if I pressed hard enough could feel similar in the other breast (maybe wishful thinking). I do have small generally lumpy breasts. I have had a benign lump before and a cyst. But these have always been more on the side, under armpit. This is hard and at top of breast. 

I have had a lymph node that comes up and goes away under that same arm for last year. As it came and went GP said nothing to worry about. 

I went to GP on Monday thinking she would just say its nothing off you go. But she didn't, said yes could definitely feel lump, referral needed. But no other symptoms. 

Of course she said doesn't mean necessarily cancer, but due to age (47) and as she could not say cause of lump, would make 2 week referral. 

After phoning referral team today as I had not heard anything, I have appointment for next Friday, so over another week to wait.  

Since discovering lump I feel that breast is heavy and aches with the odd sharp needle like pains. Now this could be all in my head. But it just feels weird and different. 

I have gone into complete panic mode and I know that every chance it's nothing and all unexplained lumps are referred. 

BUT keep thinking I will be the one in ten for referral that does have cancer. 

I have bad health anxiety after my dad died of cancer 10 years ago - he was healthy and fit and then dead in a year. And same with my Uncle around same time. 

And of course you look at a newspaper or online and it's all 'so and so diagnosed or died of cancer', it's all in the news about King Charles' cancer thing the other day......all being talked about on the radio. 

I have rung GP about achiness but said nothing more they can do as have referral, even though said to contact them if worried or symptoms changed. 

Trying to keep busy but this week has been awful and can't concentrate at work or on anything....all the what ifs, how will I cope, what if it is the big C, what if it has already spread......

And not sure how can do another week like this.......and then of course if the results are not good......

Terrified. I know this is all normal and everyone goes through this. 

I don't want to burden my Mum as she is going through alot of other stuff. I have told a couple of good friends who are being great. No partner. But I just want to cry all the time, no appetite......

Find myself not wanting to plan anything as I may not be around......you hear all these stories of people with no symptoms, healthy and then suddenly stage 4 and given weeks to live.......

I know its irrational and even if it is, hopefully caught early. Last mammogram 2 years ago and clear. And I check my breasts regularly. 

Just freaking out........really struggling with all this. 

I know the advice and answers will be to try and keep busy and this is normal feelings and worrying won't change outcome etc....

Guess if others going through same would be good to just chat and be in touch. 

Thanks