Hello

I I was diagnosed with bowel cancer 10 years ago and was told I would not survive. Luckily I was referred to another surgeon and here I am.

i have constant flashbacks of those horrific times and it is getting worse as time goes by. The thoughts of death and dying dominate my life and affect my relationships and I have no hope. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to the end so I can escape this terror.

i feel so guilty that i am like this as i feel that i am wasting my life and have wasted the 10 years that i have been so lucky to have - against the odds.

i recently had a liver bloods and my alp enzyme was raised so was referred back to my surgeon. He was totally unconcerned but said he would arrange a liver ultrasound. This is on Monday and I am terrified by what they will find.

I also had bad vertigo before Xmas and have had a brain / ear/ neck MRI and am also waiting on these results.

i Google incessantly and spend hours comparing my liver results (current and historical) from my GP health .

I am so afraid of having to experience the terror of another cancer diagnosis.